I know I am way late to the party on this one, so forgive me… But I just finally got around to adding “smarterchild” to my AIM instant...

Aaah, good morning. (Or for you people who sleep late, good afternoon. Or for you people reading from the UK — gutentag!) Yeah, I know....

The call came last night, out of the blue, without warning. Me: Hello? FPJ: Hey, Paul. The voice, of course, was unmistakable. My once...

1. Don’t look at or shine yourself with bright lights. 2. Never get yourself wet. 3. And whatever you do, never, ever feed yourself...

Tonight is Monday, which means (besides the fact that yesterday was Sunday and that Boston Legal was pretty good except for it’s generic...

I have a fear. My fear is that the wonderful people whose lives are changed by getting new veneers and new breasts and laser-defeated...

Anonymous Celebrity’s Representative says, “We’d appreciate it if you’d stop making fun of ****** on your weblog.” I say, “Umm, ok.” ACR...

I’m feeling better, thanks for asking. Chalk this one up to Pauly D being brainwashed by television advertising, which sucked him in...

Yesterday was one of the most hellish days I’ve experienced in the last ten years. As I am still recovering from the nastiest bout of...

If it weren’t for Jessi and her numerous ideas this week for “Words For Your Enjoyment”, well, I might not be sitting here today talking...

There are ways of keeping you from making me talk [to you]. It is a concept as old as the Earth itself, yet it continues to reinvent...

If I haven’t mentioned it previously, I believe that children are our future. Sometimes when I’m sitting around my house thinking about...

Let’s face it — we all want to be that guy. You know, the one “in the know” who has all the great gossip about so-and-so celebrity? ...

I was forced to eat Grape Nuts as a child. Other than strengthening my teeth for future battles with ribs and Everlasting Gobstoppers, it...

I have been to the movies lately and have been consistently harassed by the movie trailer for Hilary Duff’s new film Raise Your Voice....

Tonight is the fourth episode of the amazing, world-changing, hit show The Benefactor. Before I talk about this week’s show, I’d love to...

If only Three’s Company was still around today — well, they would have eventually gotten around to the infamous blog episode where Janet...

Phone rings. Me: Hello? Them: Hello, can I speak to Mr. Davidson? Me: (Suddenly, in an English Accent) Right, which chap are ya’...

Yeah, yeah — The Goonies is a fun movie. But there’s that moment at the end of the film when the kids have emerged from the cave, they’ve...

You’ve had too much too drink — you always do. But looking at the clock, which reads 2:14 AM and looking at your eyes which are...