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  • Paul Davidson

Do It Yourself Hollywood Gossip

Let’s face it — we all want to be that guy. You know, the one “in the know” who has all the great gossip about so-and-so celebrity? That guy who offers it up to online gossip sites and rag mags and gets money and notoriety in the process?

Well, don’t feel left out.

With the help of a few well-known, but anonymous, mathematical statisticians — WFME has put together our copyrighted Do It Yourself Hollywood Gossip Machine That Works Most of The Time As Long As You’re Not One of Those Verbose Assholes Who Screws Up Word Games Like This All The Time.

Step #1: Get a piece of paper and something to write with.

Step #2: Write down the words I ask you for, in the following order.

A fancy L.A. restaurant A number over 10 Male celebrity Verb + ing Verb + ing Hot young female celebrity Studio name Genre of movie Title of fake movie Verb + ing Group of people Same Male celeb (as above) Same Female celeb (as above) Typical Hollywood persons Vehicle Verb + ing Adverb Same Male Celeb Hollywood power broker of some kind A quote that could possibly be said by a Hollywood power broker Group of people Same Male celeb Another fake film name Verb + ing Plural nouns Famous classic actor Noun Noun Verb + ing Duration of time, in years

Now that you’ve written down your words, continue reading so you can enter said picked words into the gossip paragraph!

Tell us it isn’t true. Last Saturday evening at [fancy L.A. Restaurant], the drama was dialed up to [number over 10] when [male celebrity] was found [verb+ing] in a corner [verb+ing] with starlett [young, hot female celeb]. The two of them, recently in talks to co-star with each other in [studio]’s upcoming [genre of movie] “[title of fake movie]”, have been seen [verb+ing] with each other around town lately, but have avoided the [group of people] with a complicated bit of bait and switch. On the night in question, [male celebrity, repeated] rushed [young, female celeb, repeated] away from [typical Hollywood persons] and into the back of his [vehicle] where the two were seen [verb+ing] at each other as they pulled away [adverb] from the scene. [Male celebrity, again]’s [Hollywood power broker of some kind] was quoted as saying, “[Something a Hollywood power broker might say]” and that once [group of people] saw [male celebrity]’s new film, “[another fake film name]” they’d be [verb+ing] [plural nouns] just like [famous classic actor] did in that movie where a [noun] and a [noun] went [verb+ing] for [duration of time, in years].

As you can see, coming up with steamy and sometimes “strange” gossip is easier than you ever imagined! It just takes knowing what a noun is and what a verb is and you’re well on your way to collecting cash for your little gems of Hollywood dirt!

What kinda gossip did you get? Share some with the WFME crew.

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