Everybody Is Friends in Hollywoodland
The call came last night, out of the blue, without warning.
FPJ: Hey, Paul.
The voice, of course, was unmistakable. My once friend, then best-friend (although he didn’t want to be my best friend), then no-longer my friend thanks to his wife SMG, was on the phone.
Me: Freddie, is that you?
FPJ: It’s me, Paul. It’s me.
SMG: And me, too, Paul.
Startling, at first — a second voice was on the line as well. A surprise conference call, with FPJ and his lifelong SMG. The SMG who I had always believed had hated me.
Me: Guys, I’m- I- I’m not sure what to s-say. I mean, why are you- To what do I owe the-?
DF: I’m here, too – Paul.
Oh, boy. My heart obviously skipped a beat as I realized that David Faustino, whom I had been working with before FPJ and SMG had sabotaged that was on the phone as well!
Me: A three way call! This is insane! You guys are so crazy!!
Now I was laughing this crazy giddy laugh because I couldn’t quite believe it. In Hollywood, people who write you off very often never come back to erase having written you off with the big ‘ol eraser of death. But here, at this moment, while I was sitting in my sweat pants eating ice cream and watching Veronica Mars, I couldn’t stop from shaking. I was on the phone in a four-way call with Freddie Prinze, Jr., Sarah Michelle Gellar and David Faustino! Why were they calling?
And then, out of nowhere, the three of them started singing.
Hello, hello, dear Paul! We’re here, that’s right, us all! To tell you that we were wrong, that’s why we wrote this song!
FPJ: I never meant to hurt, dude, the way I acted was plainly rude, I probably should have never chosen that end, but I sure am sorry, and I’ll be your best friend!
SMG: Throwing wasabe, it’s not right nice, but I’d been stressed, my career was sliced, but now that I’ve got a movie coming out, I think you’re nice, that’s what I’ll tout!
DF: And me, Pauly D, it was just peer pressure, I always thought the two of us did mesh-ure, and that talking alien stuff was gold, so let’s get back to it before we get old!
We were wrong and you were right, your blog did show us up, our fight, was silly and stupid and all messed up, hah hah hah hah, biddity boo bup.
And then they hung up.
It showed me one thing. That really, people in Hollywood aren’t nearly as bad as you think they are. Sometimes they have pressure causing them to act crazy. Sometimes their peers or their attractive and awesomely-nice girlfriends affect them in a wrong way. But deep down, they’re great people with big hearts and awesome song-writing skills.
That is, unless of course the call was a ruse. Like, you know, they recorded me getting all excited and sat around at a party letting all their other rich Hollywood friends laugh at me, at my own expense. That the reality of it all was it was their way of getting back at me without me even knowing it. But writing a song, I mean, that takes time! The fact that all three got together to write me a song is at least exciting. Unless, of course, it was easy to write. Unless of course, it was all a ruse. Damnit!
These stars, man. They screw with your head.