Anonymous Complaint Call From Anonymous Celebrity’s Representative

Anonymous Celebrity’s Representative says, “We’d appreciate it if you’d stop making fun of ****** on your weblog.”

I say, “Umm, ok.”

ACR says, “He/she is extremely sensitive about criticism in the media, and although your weblog isn’t necessarily “media”, it represents an opinion that ****** doesn’t appreciate. In fact, and this is sort of a compliment, but ****** thinks that weblogs are awesome. He/she loves yours. But ****** also knows that the people that read your weblog are real people. They’re people who make a difference, who buy movie tickets. ****** doesn’t want his/her popularity ruined by silly things you write about him/her.”

I say, “Silly things?”

ACR says, “Well, silly is the wrong word. Satire, obviously. ****** gets it. ****** isn’t saying that you can’t write about other celebrities the way you’re writing about him/her. ****** just wanted me to tell you that he/she loves your blog, reads it every day and wants to see if you’d stop making fun of him/her.”

I say, “It’s all in good fun. ****** knows that, right?”

ACR says, “Exactly. All in good fun! ****** so knows that. So, can you maybe take down that post about ******?”

I say, “No. I’m not taking anything down.”

ACR says, “We have lawyers, you know.”

I say, “And…?”

ACR says, “And ****** hates to have to call them. He/she just wanted me to call you and tell you how much he/she loves your weblog.”

I say, “You already said that.”

ACR says, “Oh, good. ****** would hate for you to not know how big of a fan he/she is of yours.”

I say, “That’s wonderful. Is that it?”

ACR says, “Yes, I think so. So, we’re all good, then?”

I say, “Yes, we’re all good.”

ACR hangs up. So do I.