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  • Paul Davidson

Today’s Amazing Invention — Candied-Fruity-Fries!

Sure, the world loves normal salty carbo-hydrated fries. But what if there was something better? Something tastier? Something sweeter?

Enter the amazing invention of candied fries.

Do you like cherry? Blueberry? Caramel? Sour-apple? Honey-mustard-pomegranate? Cantaloupe-flavored? Do you like banana, curry-melon and/or peach?

I knew you did.

Now, faced with a new generation of people who are sick of eating fries that do nothing but clog their arteries comes the most amazing new advance in salty-goodness. Fries, no longer “fried” in big vats of oil and greasy-sickness will now be soaked in the most flavorful of fruity-flavors. Fries that once were drenched in ketchup and barbecue sauce can now be infused with the most healthy extracts from across this great country of ours. Candied fries are, in my humble opinion, the key to the future.

But what about the calories, you ask. If fries are filled with the bad calories, my new invention of candied fries will be filled with the good calories. The healthy calories. The kinds of calories that help young Americans grow and strive to reach their lifelong goals. The kind of candied, fruity calories that can help you get that job you want or that girl you have lusted after for so long. Show up with a carafe (the holder for all kinds of candied fries) and watch the rest of your friends swoon in jealousy.

Where can you get them? Where do they sell them?

As of right now, sadly, candied fries and their partner-in-crime (and followup product), fruity-candied fries have yet to be picked up by any major organization or food service company. And although the product has been created in my own home kitchen — it still may be some time before the reality hits the rest of the world. But, hell, that’s how all products work out. The amazing new invention of candied fries, fruity-candied fries and ultra-sticky-caramel-fruity-Vitamin C enhanced-flaky fries (coming Fall 2009), will eventually be here, and the world will be a better, fruitier place because of it.

Do not scoff in frustration or jealousy, people. Do not say, “This guy is off his rocker for coming up with a replacement product for the most American of all products. This guy needs to be taken out back where people can beat some sense into him.” No, no, no, people. Do not lampoon or put down the candied-fruity fry. Embrace it for the groundbreaking product it can someday become.

The next best thing.

Whether or not my last amazing invention was a success or not, is no reason to second-guess this one.

Because this one, is a winner.

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