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  • Paul Davidson

Yogurt Is Dead

Look at the above picture. Seriously, look closely. What do you see? Quite a lot of yogurt?

Yes. Quite a lot of yogurt.

Nobody is buying yogurt anymore. Yogurt was the saving-grace of the 80’s, when people were going to “health clubs” and riding stationary bicycles and having picnics. Yuppies were on the go, all the time with their cell phones the size of a bread basket, and needed something healthy to eat in the car and on the subway in the morning on their way to work. What changed their lives forever?


But seriously. When was the last time you actually went to the supermarket (where I took this beautiful picture) and said to yourself any of the following phrases:

Boy, I sure could go for some yogurt!

What do I want for dinner? Chicken or yogurt?

My stomach is grumbling for some of that creamy goodness!

Ever since I got back from Hawaii, I’ve been craving nothing but pineapple flavored yogurt!

Yo! Gurt!

I didn’t think so.

Based on a complicated equation I have created, which can tell you whether or not a food item is popular or “dead”, I plugged in the appropriate numbers and information into my newly invented food-popularity proof.

The WFME Food Popularity Proof x plus y = 2z minus y (where x equals the number of letters in the food item you’d like to determine whether or not is popular or dead, y equals the amount of times you’ve had that food item in the last year and z equals the number of letters in your first name)

Okay, now let’s put in the information and see what we get!

6 plus zero = 2(4) minus zero (4 letters in the name PAUL) which becomes 6 = 8, which is NOT true

If both sides of the equation equal each other, then it is still a popular food item. If they do not equal each other, said food item is DEAD.

In yogurt’s case, well, it is dead.

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