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  • Paul Davidson

Words For <i>Your</i> Enjoyment: Trump

Like lemmings, pushing their way to the ocean and their untimely death…so too do we, with our weekly edition of “Words For Your Enjoyment”.

This week’s post was inspired by ideas submitted by our loyal reader Chase, who suggested some conversation about Trump and his wish to trademark the phrase, “You’re Fired”.

Instead, there’s something else I’d rather discuss.

Trump’s hair.

I have been there, just like you, standing in line somewhere where the wind is blowing and some guy is standing in front of you with the most insane comb-over ever. I stare, trying to find the beginning and end of the hair. Does it start at the back, pushed to the front? Start at the front, combed to the back? Hair plugs? Sprayed on?

Then of course, there’s that moment when a huge gust of wind blows, answering the question. On one particular day in question, I marveled at lengths of hair (all originating from one side of the individual’s head) flowing and blowing — they must have been grown out to at least 2 feet long.


Even scarier? Trump’s head of hair. What’s going on there? I mean, I pause my TiVo regularly when there’s a good close-up shot of his head…just trying to find where it begins and where it ends. It’s like a huge head of brown-colored cotton candy, just plopped atop his head. It doesn’t move, no matter the wind coefficient. It does shift, no matter where he deposits his weight. It stays, solid.

As a result, I have consulted with a variety of hair-care professionals in an attempt to figure out just how such a hair-do could sustain all the wheeling and dealing that Mr. Trump takes part in. And as a result of these consultations, there are three possible reasons for his solid-cotton candy headed wispy head-cover:

1. It is a weave, glued in place. 2. It is all CGI, provided by the wonderful people at NBC. 3. Trump is a robot.

Did you ever notice, how when he says “You’re Fired!” he says it with the same tone? Uses the same hand movement? Maybe Trump is a robot. Maybe that’s why there’s really no answer to any of my questions.

I could be onto something.

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