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  • Paul Davidson

Words For <i>Your</i> Enjoyment: No-Pinkie

Welcome to our weekly “Words For Your Enjoyment” post. Today’s suggestion comes from someone who prefers to remain anonymous and not provide their blog identity. I say that’s someone just being a tad over-protective of themselves, but what the hell. Who am I to criticize?

Today’s subject involves the concept that no human, ever, really needs their pinkie finger or toe. And seriously, haven’t we all thought this more than twenty-two times? What do you really use that finger or toe for (besides typing). I had a conversation recently with someone about this subject matter and it went a little something like this… In fact, this is the conversation, word for word:

Me: “I don’t think I really need my pinkie finger.”

Friend #23: “Oh yeah? Would you chop it off for ten dollars?”

Me: “Ten bucks? To chop of my pinkie finger? No way.”

Friend #23: “But I thought you said you didn’t need it? That it was useless.”

Me: “Sure, but why would I chop it off?”

Friend #23: “How about a thousand dollars?”

Me: “No. Not for any amount of money. I don’t wanna be running around with a missing pinkie finger. You know how people stare and shit at people missing fingers…”

Friend #23: “A hundred thousand dollars?”

Me: “Tax free?”

Friend #23: “No. Not tax free. What, I’m paying you under the table now for you to hack off your pinkie finger? Think again, bucko.”

Me: “Then I’m keeping my pinkie finger.”

Friend #23: “Fine. Keep it. See if I care.”

Some scientists say that over time, evolution will simply evolutionize-out the pinkie finger and toe simply because as we reach higher levels of intelligence, that there will be no need for them. I agree. I don’t even use my pinkie finger to scratch my back. And god knows that I never use my pinkie toe for a thing. It’s useless.

I say (in an Olde English accent): “Be gone, useleth pinkie toe! Be wary as you make your way far awayeth from this hereth place, which just happenth to be my right foot. Go free and liveth your lifeth as a free toe with no boundaries! Flee! Run! Dream!”

(Curtsey) Thank you.

As usual, “Words For Your Enjoyment will be back next Friday, using your e-mail suggestions as fodder for the material! Don’t miss out. You could be the next to receive a grey, hooded WFME sweatshirt.

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