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  • Paul Davidson

Words For <i>Your</i> Enjoyment: Joan vs. Joan

Hold your head up high and rejoice as yet another weekly edition of “Words For Your Enjoyment” has come your way. That’s where you provide the idea and I provide the words and a link back to you. (You also get a coupon for $2 dollars off your next haircut at Supercuts, but I try not to talk about that perk too often because I don’t want to contaminate the idea-pool.)

This week, WFYE comes to you direct from the Chicago O’Hare Airport where I am currently sitting at Gate E2B in between a man wearing a ski-cap who is listening to Wilson Phillips on his iPod and a child eating one of those horrific sausage muffin cheese sandwiches.

Really, you should visit the Midwest whenever you get a chance.

Today’s idea comes from Lena, who put it simply: Joan Van Ark and Joan of Arc: Compare and contrast.

You so know I couldn’t resist that.

Joan Van Ark and Joan of Arc, in actuality, have quite a bit in common. They were both women, with feelings and emotions and goals. They found themselves in a man’s world where struggle and confrontation were their only way to rise above their current situations. They often were faced with obstacles that challenged them to reach deep inside of themselves, look to the sky (in a dramatic sort of way) and then look back down to whoever was confronting them and say, ”To hell with you, you, well, you know what I’m talking about so….

One of the biggest differences between Joan Van Ark and Joan of Arc is the fact that Joan of Arc thought God was talking to her and thus, was considered to be a tad troubled and a bit psychotic. Joan Van Ark only played the part of Val Ewing on Knots Landing, and that character just happened to be mentally depressed, troubled and bordering on crazy.

Ms. Arc’s trouble was real. Ms. Van Ark’s trouble was crafted by screenwriters. (Sure, years later the story of Ms. Arc was scripted for Milla Jovovich, but only years after her death and even if Ms. Arc had been alive to see such an adaptation, she probably would have died on the spot even after feeling somewhat consoled by the fact that Dustin Hoffman and John Malkovich had tried to elevate her life story, but to no avail.)

Some may argue that Ms. Arc’s facial injuries (as a result of fighting to the death with her army) is eerily similar to the plastic surgery Ms. Van Ark has paid for – but if you ask me, fighting beside your army and having your nose broken is nothing like that ‘ol “deviated septum, nose job ruse” that Ms. Van Ark and the rest of her Beverly Hills pals have collected like the shoes and purses they so lust after.

Did I mention, Joan of Arc carried a bag with her things in it, slung over her shoulder. Ms. Van Ark? I think you know the answer. She’s all about the Kate Spade.

In summary…

Joan Van Ark. Played a crazy person. Real life facial reconstruction. Loves handbags and shoes. Currently on Young and the Restless.

Joan of Arc. Was a crazy person. Unwanted facial reconstruction. Carried a faux-handbag. Was young and restless.

Really, when you look at it that way…they’re two peas in a pod.

I think I’ve really stumbled onto something groundbreaking.

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