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Words For <i>Your</i> Enjoyment: Internet Whores

Good WFME friend Andrea provides this week’s “Words For Your Enjoyment” topic, which centers around one annoyingly needy David Vardy and his quest to sell his virginity to the highest bidder on the Internet.

We hear about these desperate attempts to gain attention every few weeks or so. A few weeks ago, a desperate and broken screenwriter decided to sell his finished screenplay on eBay to the highest bidder to anyone who wanted it. He, of course, ended up on NPR and there was at least 4 and a half minutes of fame thrown his way. There were those 18 year old kids who decided to sell tickets to watch them have sex together for the first time on the Internet. About six months ago there was a man who was selling his family to the highest bidder on eBay — offering up a “rental family” for someone who didn’t have one.

Has the Internet brought out the quirks in humans, worldwide, or have all these people who want attention always been there without a surefire quick way of getting attention? And now that they do, they’re coming out of the woodwork?

Well, if they are, let’s get a little more original than just selling our families and our virginity and our first time having sex. Let’s sell some stuff that’s a little less obvious. Like:

1. My sister’s virginity 2. My next door neighbor’s cherry red Mercedes 3. My open invitation to stay with my relatives in Germany, for free 4. My ability to show up late to important business meetings (which you can then give to someone you hate)

The people that try to sell these things slowly start to realize that their freakish garage sale will bring nothing more than freaks with money and it’s obviously not what any of them were looking for. In reality, what all these people should do is try and sell their soul for fame. Maybe that would be the ultimate solution to the ultimate desire.

If only there was a bluebook for souls.

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