- Paul Davidson
Words For <i>Your</i> Enjoyment: High-Pressure Guilt Holidays
I’m feeling selfish today.
That’s why I just have to go on the record and talk about Valentine’s Day because it is (a) coming soon, (b) sort of silly, and (c) a high-pressure, guilt-ridden holiday. (Don’t even get me started on the whole DeBeers conspiracy theory.)
What do we know about Valentine’s Day?
1. Some St. Valentine did something spectacular, sometime. 2. It’s a day of flowers, candy, overpriced dinners and jewlery. 3. If you’re dating someone and you disregard or forget the day, you might as well never talk to your lover’s friends or family because they’re going to hate you forever.
If that ain’t a high-pressure holiday (especially because of the whole Sainthood scenario), I don’t know what is.
Personally, I have a problem with holidays that put pressure on anyone to go out and do something for someone. This includes Christmas, Chanukah, Valentine’s Day, Happy Baptism Day and Groundhog Day. This is that unique scenario where the rest of the world is asking you all day long, “What are you getting so-and-so for Valentine’s Day?” “What are you going to do for dinner?” “Buying flowers?” “What did you get them for Christmas?” “Going Christmas Shopping?” “Thinking about a nice fluffy towel for Baptism Day?” “You didn’t forget the Groundhog, didja?”
You know what I mean.
Above all, I will tell you this so you don’t think I’m some horrible guy. I am romantic. Seriously, I am. But I want to do romantic things because I think of it, not because some holiday suggests I do. I’m more apt to buy flowers for someone out of the blue than to have them ask me if I’m buying them flowers for some holiday. Because once it’s not my idea, all I am doing is following some pre-determined path that someone else (i.e. flower companies, the restaurant industry, the diamond overlords) has determined for me.
Ha ha ha ha ha. So funny.
I know you’re right there with me. I know you agree. I know some of you will say, “Sure, but my boyfriend is clueless and without the pressure of V-Day, he’d never do anything for me.” I’m not quite sure how to answer that comment dear invisible reader. Maybe…I can’t. At least not for you.
But for me, being selfish — I can tell you that these high-pressure holidays where society tells me I’d better go out and wear green or celebrate all that is President’s Day — that I must recite the Declaration of Independence or give See’s Candies a nice crisp twenty-dollar bill… I don’t like it. I don’t like it one bit.
Really, I don’t.
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