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  • Paul Davidson

Words For <i>Your</i> Enjoyment: Convicts and Pancakes


Today marks the eight-hundredth sixty-ninth thousandth “Words For Your Enjoyment” in dog years! Which, means, in people years we’re probably somewhere around 30. Either way, it’s an exciting moment for me and I hope that everyone feels the anticipation that I do as I type this — never before has the typewritten digital consonant excited me more than it does at this very minute.

It’s almost as exciting as Jeff‘s WFYE question, which was “What is a good recipe for pancakes to feed to an escaped convict who has just murdered four people?”

Aaah, convicts and pancakes — a match you don’t very often see or hear of in American or International Society. Sure, you hear about convicts and murder, convicts and cigarettes, convicts and bars of soap, convicts and sharpened spoons, convicts and parole, convicts and dungarees, convicts and books, convicts and playing cards — but when was the last time someone mentioned convicts and pancakes in the same breath?


But Jeff brings up a very important question — when you’ve got a convict, let’s say he’s on Death Row, and he asks for an elaborate pancake dinner as his last meal on this very planet, what would be a good recipe to feed said Death Row inmate with the clock tick-tocking away?

In trying to determine just what elements needed to be included in a “last requeset pancake recipe” for a Death Row inmate, I scoured the web. I searched “pancakes” and “convicts” and ended up with nothing. I searched “pancake convict murder” and got nothing, as well. And then, it hit me. What are some of the favorite snack items that convicts love because of their ease of carrying?

Almonds. Convicts LOVE almonds.

So, step one had been strived for and accomplished. If I could find a pancake recipe that involved almonds, I would be halfway there. But then I got to thinking that a pancake recipe with just almonds may not be the end-all, be-all of pancake recipes. I mean, c’mon, the International House of Pancakes doesn’t just have pancakes with almonds and that’s it.

I thought longer and harder and wondered to myself — If I was going to get a last request and it happened to be for pancakes, wouldn’t I want those pancakes to be unique? Wouldn’t I want to go out of this world on a high? Wouldn’t I want to combine pancakes with something I’d never combined them with before?

That got me to thinking about Christmas. No one ever has pancakes for Christmas. But what they do have around Christmas time is Egg Nog. If I could only find a recipe that included egg nog, almonds and pancakes — our favorite little scampering Death Row convict would have a great last meal.

Puffed Eggnog Pancakes

2 tb Butter 3 Eggs 2/3 c Eggnog 1/2 c Flour 1/4 c Sliced almonds 2 ts Sugar

1. Preheat oven to 425 degrees. Melt butter in cast iron skillet in oven.

2. Beat eggs; add eggnog and flour. Pour into hot skillet; sprinkle with almonds and sugar. Bake until puffed and brown, 16 to 18 minutes. Serve immediately (cause your convict doesn’t have much time left before you-know-what.)

So, yes Jeff. The above recipe is the perfect pancake recipe for a convict, and especially the bestest pancake recipe for a convict on Death Row. I believe this wholeheartedly and I think you will too.

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