- Paul Davidson
Words For <i>Your</i> Enjoyment: Axis of Evil Vacation Spots
This week’s “Words For Your Enjoyment” comes from good WFME friend Andrea who suggests, “Why don’t you talk about axis of evil countries as new vacation spots?”
Really, Andrea — that is an insane thought process you’ve got going there.
But it’s true if you really sit down and think about it. People are always looking for that “next great extreme vacation trip.” People who have already gone bungee jumping and pushed themselves and their friends out of planes. People who have gone on safaris where they have almost been eaten by lions and really-angry elephants (who, just so you know, are one of the angriest animals around simply because they lose their teeth at such an early age). People who have visited the back alleyways of Kosovo and who have traversed the most-dangerous streets of France.
But what about the Axis of Evil countries?
Personally, if I were to book a vacation to an Axis of Evil country, I think I’d choose Korea. Kim Jong Il is the coolest of ambassadors as he already spends great wealth and effort to bring as much American culture into his country. But there’s a mystery surrounding Korea. It’s a country that keeps its secrets close to the vest — like a forbidden golden city that Indiana Jones might visit. Man, I could see the advertisements now:
Celine Dion music begins to play. Images of Kim Jong Il. Kim Jong Il dancing on a Dance Dance Revolution arcade game. Kim Jong Il eating a huge-ass shrimp cocktail. Kim Jong Il playing Battleship with an attractive/buxom blonde woman.
Announcer: Come to Korea. Where your wildest dreams can come true.
Kim Jon Il turns to the camera: “You come here now!
Announcer: (Under his breath, quickly): Korea Fantasy Tours does not guarantee that by visiting Korea you will actually come back from Korea and by this we are not sure exactly what we mean. By visiting Korea you may experience gun shot wounds, internal bleeding, leech-related ailments, nausea, dizziness, mysteriously-vanishing Passport documents, an over abundance of classic 80’s music and films starring people like Tom Cruise and Drew Barrymore, forced isolation and aches and pains. Visiting Korea is not recommended but highly encouraged by Korea Fantasy Tours CEO Kim Jong Il.
Seriously, though. If I was going to pick an Axis of Evil country to visit, Korea would so be my first choice. I have no interest in (currently) visiting Iraq or Iran and I just don’t like the way “Libya” rolls off my tongue. It would have to be Korea.