If you happen to be a fan of Consumer Joe then you probably know that there were a bunch of letters that didn’t make it into the book for a few reasons. Whether it was because of legal reasons or because the letters didn’t go with the consumer theme of the book, a few of them were damn funny and (sadly) just didn’t happen.
One of those was to Cool Whip.
I had written to Cool Whip and told them that [as David Paulson] I had consumed nothing but Cool Whip for over 3 months and lost 87 pounds in the process. I was planning on releasing a book called Whip Off the Weight: David Paulson’s Cool Whip Diet and simply needed their approval to use the Cool Whip logo to accompany me on the cover holding a tub of the famous whipped topping.
Their response (in a nutshell) was no. They didn’t want the public thinking that Cool Whip endorsed a diet such as that.
I wrote Cool Whip back again, and had tweaked my plans. Instead of needing their logo, I would instead simply be holding a scoop of the famous whipped topping but would not use their logo. I would call the book Whip Off The Weight: David Paulson’s Non-Brand Name Whipped Cream Substitute Diet.
Their response, again, was no. They felt that the public would see the scoop of whipped topping in my hands, assume from the consistency that it was Cool Whip, then assume that Cool Whip endorsed a diet such as that. They wouldn’t let me hold the scoop.
I wrote them again, telling them that I had now re-tweaked the entire cover. It would still be called Whip Off The Weight: David Paulson’s Non-Brand Name Whipped Cream Substitute Diet but I would not need their logo, nor would I be holding a scoop of it. Instead, I would be patting my stomach as if I had already ingested a scoop of the topping.
Their response? No. Even though I wasn’t using their logo, their product, or anything — they (I assume) felt that people with the ability to use X-Ray vision to see through my stomach lining would determine just what I had ingested, assuming the Cool Whip involvement. Basically, I was asking them for nothing, and they were granting me nothing.
You can imagine, with all those no’s, that when I asked to reprint the letters in the book — they weren’t having it. No how, no way.