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  • Paul Davidson

What Is “The Soul”?

It is a theological question that has spurred debates for thousands of years.

When I’m often faced with such questions that bring upon debates that cover life, death, the afterlife, heaven and hell, God and the Devil and our own mortality — I often like to change the subject and talk about string cheese.

Is string cheese still popular?

When I was a kid in elementary school and junior high school, string cheese was like THE snack to have. People ate string cheese in a variety of ways. There were the people who literally pulled tiny wire-thin strands from the stalk of cheese, getting at least 20-30 stringy cheese strings per stick. Man, they were eating that thing for hours, it seemed. Then, of course, there were the people who just ate the damn stalk of cheese in about five bites. And there were the people who laid three string cheese stalks on two pieces of bread, stuck it in the micro and had a mozzerella cheese sandwich melt.

When I was a kid, it was stuff like string cheese and Capri-Sun and Pop Rocks and mini bags of Doritos that always were the talk of the playground. If you had the cool snacks, you obviously had cool parents and you most likely had sugar cereal at home, which I never had because I was forced to eat the rock-like Grape Nuts every morning.

As I’m not a kid anymore and I don’t have kids and I rarely talk to kids (unless I’m battling one over the Internet in a fairly-intense game of shoot-em-up), I have no idea if the above items are still cool or hot or what not. I know there are some readers of WFME who have kids and may be able to enlighten me about what the HOT snacks are these days. Pudding push up pops? Candy bars? What the hell are kids eating these days that are cool?

As for string cheese, I highly doubt that it’s as popular as it used to be. First of all, how unsanitary is string cheese? Pretty damn unsanitary. That you would use your dirty fingers over and over again to extract a skinny strip of dairy-goodness which you place in your mouth (a place where germs reproduce by the thousands) then use those same germ-infested fingers to pull another strip of cheesy-heaven and place it in your germ-infested gaping hole — well, it doesn’t sound too good to me.

You?

In other news — in what I have dubbed “Flashback to Instruction-World” I would like to let you in on the simpleton instructions that came printed on the back of a Taco Bell Soft Taco wrapper years ago. They were accompanied with pictures and gave the following instructions on how to eat a Soft Taco:

Step 1: Peel back wrapper.

Step 2: Take bite.

Step 3: Repeat until finished.

Someone out there in Corporate Fast Food world thought their consumers were a bunch of idiots. Whether they were right or not, I guess, is a debate that covers life, death, the afterlife, heaven and hell, God and the Devil and our own mortality.

You know, figuratively.

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