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  • Paul Davidson

WFME’s “The Most Random Sentence Ever”

It’s a good thing you checked in with WFME today. For if you hadn’t, you would be one of those people who was “not in the know” causing you to elicit giggles from those who were “in the know” making you feel insignificant in the larger scheme of things…although, really – aren’t we all insignificant anyway?

Today WFME introduces our brand new feature we like to call “The Most Random Sentence Ever” [and the story behind it]. You’ll marvel as you read words strung together in the form of sentences. You’ll guffaw with obvious happiness as stories rise and fall like the waves of the great Atlantic. You’ll smile and grin as the humor washes over your angst-ridden body.

Really, it’s better for you than going to the gym.

And while I provide you with the first most random sentence you’ll dig deep inside your own self, pulling out your most random sentence and telling us the story as well. And when you do, you’ll find that everything that was worrying you just doesn’t anymore. It will be a cleansing moment for you and yours. Something that you will forever be indebted to me for.

But I won’t ever try to collect such debt, just so you know.

“Then, I got all Matt Lauer on his ass.”

The scene, itself, is almost stranger than the sentence. While I was waiting for an oil change to be completed, a greasy man in overalls (who I believed worked at the oil change establishment) was talking to someone over a cell phone. Blah blah blah blah blah this… And blah blah blah blah blah that. And then, out of nowhere, he spouted the above phrase.

It took me out of my comfort zone for many reasons. Why was an oil-change expert, covered in dirt and grime, talking on his out-of-date StarTac cell phone, telling someone he got all Matt Lauer on his ass? What does “getting all Matt Lauer” on someone’s ass actually mean?

I reached deep inside myself to find the answer.

Matt Lauer is a respected journalist. Someone who takes people to task, asking the tough questions and trying to get the answers. Was this oil-change technician expressing the fact that he gave someone the third-degree? That he sat down, face to face with someone, and found out the secrets of their life?

Or did he simply shave their head (like Matt Lauer did) and leave well enough alone?

The sentence is a tough-one. You hardly expect anyone to use Matt Lauer’s name in a sentence with the phrase “on his ass” at any point in the History of the World. I think you’d be hard pressed to find anyone who uttered that phrase in their lifetime. This was an anomoly. A window into a world I had never expected even existed.

“Then, I got all Matt Lauer on his ass.”

Look at it. Seriously. Just look up there at that sentence. There’s just something about it that doesn’t feel right. Was this greasy guy really trying to say what I suspected he was trying to say, or was this some kind of secret code language like, “The Eagle Has Landed”? Had I undercovered something more sinister?

I don’t think I’ll ever know, since my car was finished soon after and I went on my merry way. But, in hindsight, I think I can definitely say that the sentence was…

the most random sentence ever.

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