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WFME’s Gift of the Future

Merry Christmas.

Today, I’d like to spend a few words discussing what I consider to be the (insert booming voice here) GIFT OF THE FUTURE.

2004’s Gift of the Future is none other than the wonderful gift card. They come in small packages, are plastic and easy to produce, can be recycled once they’ve been used, and represent a monetary value that can be traded for actual, physical items that you desperately want. There is only one drawback to the wonderful gift of the future (i.e. gift cards)…

Nothing is open today.

So here I sit with my wonderfully generous Best Buy, Nordstrom, Restoration Hardware Gift Cards and no place to go. It’s Christmas for god’s sake! I want to be able to roll around in all my gifts without the anticipation of future gifts when brick and mortar stores open. Don’t you?

But, since nothing is open today and I cannot redeem said (insert booming voice here) GIFT CARDS OF THE FUTURE — I have come up with a few other ways to enjoy said gift cards.

1. Each gift card represents a famous character from movie history. (I chose Luke Skywalker, Tootsie and Harry Potter.) These three gift cards (a.k.a. famous movie characters) interact in various situations — most entertaining of course is a trip to the local Starbuck’s Coffee, which isn’t open.

2. Taping two gift cards to the left and right of each eye serves as a sort-of “blinder-system” which, upon going to Best Buy, will keep you from seeing that, in fact, the store isn’t open.

3. Serving small French-portions of caviar on said mini-plates (a.k.a. gift cards) will keep your mind off the fact that stores are closed today and instead direct your attention to the fact that you are extremely cultured, as you are eating caviar on Christmas.

These three alternative uses for gift cards on Christmas Day should entertain you for about 41 minutes, upon which time you’ll have to ask aloud, once again, why movies are open today but Best Buy isn’t.

Aaah, the questions.

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