- Paul Davidson
Toe Length (Or You Got Freaky Long Toes, Girlfriend!)
What does it mean when someone’s second toe is longer than their big toe?
I’ve been out and about this past weekend doing extensive research on this subject and can confidently say that there are a huge percentage of people out there whose second toes (and sometimes their second and third toes) are a tad longer than their big toes. When they flatten out their feet and toes, it’s just weird looking. I mean, aren’t toes supposed to get exponentially smaller as you go down to the baby/pinky toe?
I think so.
Now I’m not saying I have beautiful, perfect toes or anything like that… And some people might immediately come out and tell me that I don’t simply based on the fact that at one point I mentioned picking up jelly beans inbetween my toes (no links here, I prefer to keep it hidden)… But my toes seem to be ok. No gnarly extra long toes or anything.
So then I started to think about this even more (it was a slow weekend) and wonder if just like how people mention if your feet are big you must be well-endowed, or if your ear lobes are not attached you’re some brainiac or how if you stutter while you speak you’re, well, supposed to someday be elected into a very high political office…
Is there something about having an extra long second toe (next to your big toe) that coincidentally means something else about your persona?
Could having an extra long second toe mean you are faster on your feet? A better long-distance runner? A more fluid swimmer? People have said that the reason for the pinky toe was to help people swim faster. Well, could the extra long second toe have something to do with that? Or maybe, just maybe, does an extra long second toe allow you to jump higher? Does it mean that, possibly, you will someday be a shoe model for weird extra long shoes?
What does it mean? I’m not sure. But I do know that if people are having their pinky toe chopped off to get their feet into small, exquisite high heels… then how many people are having their extra long freaky second toes shortened to match the rest of their pedal-digits? It could be happening all around us and no one would ever know because feet and toes are almost always hidden in darkness and cotton and nylon.
There’s something sinister going on out there and I felt you all should be aware of it.
In other news, I am not obsessed with feet.