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  • Paul Davidson

Today’s Thoughts on Angry Old People

Grrrrr! Angry old people!!

Really, doesn’t that just sum it all up? Grrrrr! When you come across an angry old person, usually they sound something like that, and I had the wonderful opportunity to come across a four-some of them yesterday evening as I waited in line at a Valet station at a local night-time hot spot.

Here’s what you need to know: Valet parking costs $5. But you also have to take a ticket from the ticket machine when you come into the parking structure — and if you end up staying more than 5 hours or something like that, you have to pay additional fees.

The old people had to pay $11.50. Grrrrr!

Some of the greatest old people phrases of yesterday evening included some of the following:

“We spent two-hundred dollars here tonight!!” “Grrrrr!” “We come here all the time and this has never happened!!” “Grrrrr!” “You get your manager or whoever is your boss down here right away!!” “Grrrr!” “I’m not paying eleven fifty to no one. No how!” “Grrrr!” “We ordered drinks, we ate food, we saw a movie!” “Grrrr!” “This is outrageous!” “Grrrr!” “What kind of country do we live in!?” “Grrrr!” “You wait your turn, Missy!” [to another customer trying to pay and avoid the drama] “Grrrr!” “Snaggle-patches!!” “Grrrr!” “Well, I never!” “Grrrr!”

The Bonnie & Clyde of elderly non-paying valet customers ended up to be like a performance or something. The old man would ramble and yell while his wife would chime in at various points with little tidbits of wonderfully grrrr’d goodness.

But as someone who used to fix bicycles used to say, “The squeeky grease gets the feel!” And you can imagine just which pair of old grrrrr-andparents got the grease.

Eventually when all was said and done, yelling old people got out of paying $11.50, scowled as they drove off, and happily made their way home. And how do I know they were happy? That they probably do this all over town to get out of paying crap? I happened to find myself driving next to them minutes later, and witnessed all of them laughing — tossing dollar bills in the air like they were worthless slips of paper.

Really, I did.

In other news, I picked up a copy of Cartoon Network’s Adult Swim show Harvey Birdman: Attorney at Law on DVD. It stars Harvey Birdman (a third rate superhero from Hanna Barbera) who has been reconstituted into a lawyer who fights for the rights of cartoon characters in trouble. In one episode, Harvey defends Shaggy & Scooby Doo who have been pulled over and arrested for having an “illegal substance” in their possession. In other, he defends Fred Flinstone (who resembles Tony Soprano in the episode) who is arrested for his illegal activities in Bedrock at the Dabba Doo strip club. I’ll tell you, more and more I think that I should be developing a show for Cartoon Network. It just, well, feels right.

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