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Today’s Prognosis on Magic Eye Puzzles

It is a conversation as old as time:

Him: Can’t you see it?

Her: I don’t see a damn thing.

Him: Yeah! It’s four dolphins playing poker under water!

Her: It is NOT.

Him: Yeah! You can’t see it?

Her: I don’t see anything!

The Magic Eye puzzles/books/posters/keychains have been plaguing society for about 10 years now, having been introduced in the mid-90’s, and have made about one-third of the American public feel like either (a) a bunch of idiots, (b) the subject of an elaborate “you are stupid” scam, or (c) insane.

I usually felt as if I was the subject of an elaborate scam where everyone around me was told ahead of time where the cameras were hidden and that they should all tell me that they could see a picture of a diver under the ocean with some crabs and a shark nearby. I would be told that all I needed to do to see such an amazing 3-D vision was to squint my eyes and it would all come into focus.

First of all — I have amazing eyesight. Why do I want to train my eyes to learn how to un-focus and see things in a blurry state? Why why why why why? I prefer to live an uncomplicated life with perfect vision and never have the honor of seeing the underwater 3-D diver.

I think I could live with that.

Lately, however — the Magic Eye Corporation has seen fit to release a compliation book with their most famous Magic Eye puzzles for a new generation to disturb themselves over, and I must put my foot down and say that THIS MUST STOP. Our country is already behind in education, technology and a slew of other industries — why must we train our children and their eyes to see blurry-like?

There’s a conspiracy somewhere in there, I just know it.

But for those who are competitive and never want to be the person who is “not in on the joke” I give you the TOP 3 Magic Eye Puzzle Solutions for you to spout out when someone asks you if you can see it. With a 33 1/3 percent chance of being correct — you’re bound to only look stupid 2/3rds of the time.

1. Underwater sea life. 2. Ocean view. 3. Dogs.

These three “guesses” should be preceded by one of the following phrases:

1. Oh my gosh!! That’s amazing! It’s — 2. Everything just came into focus! It’s — 3. (Incoherent Scream, coupled with hysterical crying) Then, “It’s —

There’s no need to thank me. I feel your pain.

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