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  • Paul Davidson

Today’s Prognosis on Fingernails

Why do nubby fingernails give me the willies?

Really, I guess it goes along with the “man hands” and the “big feet” and the “huge head” and the “weird laugh” and the “strange smell” idiosyncracies that people end relationships over. But when it comes to fingernails — they just can’t be nubby.

Do you know what I mean by nubby?

If it looks like your fingernails are set within your fingers, and they do not extend past the top of your finger and they appear to be little tiny Smurf doors (i.e., nestled within a fleshy or mushroomy area), then you have nubby fingernails. If they appear as if they’re their own kind of little island of nail in the middle of a finger-skin sea — then your nails are nubby. (Finger-skin sea — I know that W is going to nab that one up for his day-to-day verbage.)

Nevertheless, there’s only one thing worse than nubby finger nails and that is nubby fingernails with chipped nail polish on them. Then, you’ve got a finger-skin sea surrounding an island of nail that looks like it’s been drenched in strawberry or tangerine juice. And really, that just makes me want to heave.

Prognosis on nubby-nails? Not good.

Don’t forget – tomorrow is the brand new WFME feature “Words For Your Enjoyment Version 2.0″ — that’s not to be confused with the previously-old “Words For Your Enjoyment” of course. Version 2.0 requires you to submit an idea for a post, which I may or may not use. But if I use it, you not only receive a link to your blog or webpage, but a ham. Seriously, I’ll send you a ham. No, I’m not kidding. You’ll get a ham. A whole one. Juicy, awesome ham goodness.

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