Titles For Today’s Post Which I Abandoned For This Post Instead

Freckles Or Moles: The Debate I Can Sing Through My Nose, Blindfolded I Like To Pretent I’m Afraid of Bees My Head is Huge For An American Do You Like Mold? Let’s Discuss Sliding Whores Fifteen Reasons To Smoke Crack Hilary Duff Loves To Pretend She’s Poor A Livery Stable of Lies Poop Spelled Backwards Is Poop I Could Be Your Braider-Dude Frigid Girls, Frigid-Aire My Hand Is Stuck In A Sub-Woofer Garbanzo This, Stupid-Head! Revenge On The River (Or, Fish Puree) Sometimes, Guns Are Good Stick This In Your Pipe And Then Clean It Out The Telephone Game: Knock-Knock! I’ll Scratch Your Back If You Scratch My Left Ear Lobe Why ‘Total Eclipse of the Heart’ Rules My World Hams Are Expensive, Just So You Know The Real Meaning of Crunching Ice Telephone Poles, Polar Bears and Hair-Plugs Toodle-Dee-Doo: The New “Goodbye” Reach For It And Give Up, Buddy Why Motivation is Dead The Needler: The Bane of My Existence

If you, of course, would like to see any of the above written up tomorrow — all you have to do is beg.