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This Post Will Be All Over The Place

A stream of consciousness, if you will.

I was in a supermarket the other day and an African-American man was giving the white kid behind the counter a few tips on just exactly how he wanted his sandwich. He kept calling the guy “big man” and it got me wondering about how each different ethnic group has a different way of calling people in the service industry. For example, a lot of Mexican-Americans call people “jefe” or “boss”. White kids working at Circuit City or wherever often refer to their customers as “chief” or “captain.” I don’t know where this comes from but it makes me cringe. In a good way.

I would like to make famous a few new sayings that I emplore all of you to start using in your everyday conversation and on your blogs and in your e-mails. They include:

nappy koo: referring to, or referencing a napkin or stack of napkins

no do: slang for, non-dairy creamer

satisfugged: satisfied to the point of getting sick over it.

For example: While I was sitting in the coffee restaurant, I asked my buddy to fetch me a stack of nappy koos to mop up the no do I had spilled all over the table. Needless to say, after the whole experience, I was so satisfugged that it ruined my entire meal.

There’s a certain celebrity who, get this, while shooting a movie recently started having a whole huge bout of “I don’t really feel like working today so I’m going to try and come up with a great excuse to not have to work.” That excuse? That their gums hurt from eating potato chips. Yes, it’s true. And you know what’s ever crazier? Production shut down for the day. COME ON, people. Puh-leeze.

Tomorrow is yet another edition of “Words For Your Enjoyment.” I’d like to try something different for this week. This week, the person whose idea I use for the column will NOT win a prize or get a link to their website or blog… Instead, I will hire someone to slash their tires when they least expect it! Wooo hooo! (Please be sure to include the make/model/year/color of your car, and where you park it when submitting an idea.)

This Sunday at midnight is the deadline for your pictures of Consumer Joe out and about. If you don’t know what I’m talking about, then (sigh) there’s really no reason for me to explain.

Finally, I have begun an elaborate process of changing my personality from what it once was into the personality of a daredevil. First order of business — go get allergy shots. Ooooh, this is gonna get good!

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