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This Evening’s Thoughts While Staring Mouth Agape Into The Open Refrigerator (Or, I’m Th

Can Cranberry Juice go bad? I mean, the date on the cranberry juice container says November 2004 but that juice has been sitting there for about three months already but I’m really damn thirsty and the water from the tap is gross and the filter in the fridge is old so in my current thirsted nature, maybe I would be okay drinking the three month old cranberry juice. Maybe.

Can Corona go bad? There’s no expiration date on the bottles. I don’t know who brought them over here, it might have been for the housewarming party back in 2002. But the bottles aren’t dusty or anything, maybe they’re OK. I mean, they’ve been sealed, almost hermetically, for a long time. If it was water in a sealed bottle that would be fine because people are always telling you to store water to be prepared for disasters and earthquakes so why wouldn’t beer be able to stand the test of time just like water does?

How much juice could I really squeeze out of three old oranges? I don’t have a juicer but I have one of those juice trumpet things, but even that doesn’t give you more than a few drops. I could cut them each into four mouth-sized slices and use my teeth to extract the juice, then dribble it into a glass and repeat 12 times until all the juice was in a huge glass with a few good gulps. But that, well, would be gross.

(I stand there for a long time. The light of the fridge illuminating the dark kitchen. Then, it hits me.)

Ice. I could suck on ice. Ice can’t go bad, right?

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