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  • Paul Davidson

The Suck-age Effect

This is how I felt as I exited the movie The Butterfly Effect tonight. Although, about twenty-seven times throughout the screening of this movie I also felt this way. I have many criticisms but the first of many is this:

1. Ashton Kutcher, who has been CGI-altered to appear as if (in one scene) he had his arms amputated, and is sitting in a wheelchair crying about his poor life and the fact that he can’t make the fake hands attached to his amputated hands clutch a granola bar…well…just made me laugh. I just couldn’t take Mr. Punk’d seriously.

2. Amy Smart, the girl in the movie who you may know from Felicity or Road Trip is not attractive. Don’t tell me she is. She’s not. I can’t stand looking at her.

3. Ashton Kutcher can’t act.

4. Amy Smart can’t act.

5. Ashton Kutcher makes me laugh when he sheds a tear, depressed that he’s unable to commit suicide in his college dorm room bathroom by trying to drown himself in the bathtub.

6. The audience laughed, too.

I don’t know. I heard a rumor out here in Hollywood that Ashton was cast for Cameron Crowe’s new movie and then Crowe got him an acting coach, and then a few weeks later, Cameron quietly fired him from the job. Crowe never really talked about it and Ashton’s people spun it so that the public thought they parted because of a scheduling conflict. Ashton quickly cancelled his own Punk’d, in an attempt (I think) to start to get more serious about “real acting”.

The real question is this: Why do I care so damn much about Ashton Kutcher that I’ve typed all this up about him?

I am a sad, silly man.

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