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  • Paul Davidson

The Future of “Woo Hoo”

It’s come time to nip something in the bud.

Anytime something mundanely-exciting happens, like for example you and your buddies get free drinks or you realize someone’s birthday is today or just a group of you meet up and see each other for the first time (that day, mind you — it hasn’t been decades), instead of uttering phrases that communicate happiness (“Hey, great to see you!”), instead these like-minded individuals scream at the top of their lungs and in perfect unison… Woooooo hoooooooooo!

Really, it’s got to stop.

There’s just too much woo-hoo’ing going on these days in public places, on TV, at parties, bars and restaurants. When three or more people get together and have drinks in their hands, they often have to get the woo-hoo’ing going and then it never stops.

I just wish there was an alternative to the “woo-hoo.”

I often wonder if the “woo-hoo” is simply a nervous replacement for actual vocalized words of excitement. I often wonder if people already are self-conscious at parties (read: liquor) and so in an attempt to keep the conversations short and the long moments of silence to a minimum — that people employ the woo-hoo’ing to make everyone feel better about the situation at hand.

It’s just getting silly, though.

So, in an attempt to nix any future for the woo-hoo, I would like to propose a slew of other group statements that can be uttered that do not require long sentences or elaborate props. By taking these phrases and replacing woo-hoo with them, I think you’ll find that parties and family events will become more exciting, more real, and less annoying.

Replacement Phrases for ‘Woo-Hoo’ Yeeee-hah! (Insert bird call here, your choice.) Intense! Hee-hee-ha-ha-ho! (Blow air out your lips, making strange noise.) (Throat-scratching sound.) Klikamaticka! Boo-boo-baah! (Sound of a tire leaking air.) Hoo-woo! (The inverse, but much fresher)

I hope these suggestions will help preserve the present day “woo-hoo” for future generations, as opposed to using it up (like oil and other earth resources) today, leaving nothing for the children of the future.

In other news, Words For Your Enjoyment has been named a finalist in the Diarist Awards for Winter Quarter 2004. I’m told, if you go to the site, stand on one foot and scream “Klikamaticka!”, that will count as a vote for me.

So thanks in advance for that.

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