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  • Paul Davidson

The Brentwood Public Library

You’d think Brentwood, home to O.J. Simpson and a bunch of other rich, popular, successful, well-known, Hollywood-types, would have a pretty swanky library. Right? Let me get back to that in a second.

You’d think Brentwood, home to $800,000 condos, multi-million dollar houses, shopping malls and hair salons would have a pretty swanky dog park. Right? Let me get back to that one in a second, too.

You’d think, also that Brentwood, with all it’s Bemers and Mercedes and SUV’s and Hummers would have a pretty swanky car wash. Right? Wrong.

I went to the Brentwood public library today to finish up on a movie pitch I’m getting ready to go out with in a few weeks. We’re confirmed with Universal, Paramount and New Line Cinema so far. More to come. Nonetheless, it was the cheesiest library I’ve ever seen. Two floors, old obsolete Internet ready computers, old women in girdles checking you in and out, and a motley crew of people who showed up with me to do, god knows what. Secondly — they don’t even open until NOON? What’s up with that? A library that opens at NOON? Weird.

There was this genetically enhanced soccer mom sitting across from me studying for her bar exam or something and there was also these two Asian kids playing with their new cell phones right across from her, testing out all the rings known to human-kind. (I was particularly fond of Outkast’s Hey Ya.) Nonetheless, she was quick to jump up and jump down their throats to tell them that they were in a library of course… The Brentwood Public Library and that they’d better shut up or she was going to get them in trouble. And then when she thought she was done berating them, she turned back around and told them that she meant it and was serious about her threats.

She expressed a feeling on entitlement that I believe a bunch of Brentwood-ites believe they have.

That’s why their dog park sucks the big one. There’s crap everywhere. I mean, you better not run after your dog over there or you’re gonna end up covering your shoes in you know what. Nobody cleans up after their dogs because of, well, I don’t know — maybe it’s their sense of entitlement. So, basically, the dog park sucks. Did I say that? I hate it I hate it I hate it.

So, when you’ve left the Brentwood Public Library because you can’t stand the attitude, and you’ve left the dog park because you can’t stand the crap…you figure you might as well get your car washed while you’re out. But that’s when you realize…

Brentwood doesn’t have a car wash.

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