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  • Paul Davidson

Sunday’s Obscure Celebrity Gossip

People love gossip.

Personally, I love the kind of obscure celebrity gossip that you cannot 100% totally confirm or deny, but in my dealings with some of Hollywood’s players, I have overheard, been privy to, or seen some of the following tidbits and details — which amuse me to no end.

Did you know that Ben Stiller hates the pimentos in the middle of olives so much that at a recent off-Broadway play during the intermission he stood by the bar and de-pimento’d over fifteen olives, keeping them all in a exponentially sopped cocktail napkin? And did you know that when his wife Christine Taylor approached him and was witness to his horrible manners, that she made him do away with them? And do you know what Stiller did? He put them in the pocket of his sportsjacket. That had to be one smelly sportjacket if you know what we mean!

Christopher Lambert, star of Highlander is known to be a womanizer and a rogue of the romantic kind — but were you aware that he also gets extremely embarrassed when he’s spotted in public? So embarrassed and nervous that he sometimes gets a facial tick? Well, Hollywood starspotters who were at the The Grove this past weekend might just have caught a sight of Lambert’s face twitching a mile a minute as he signed autographs for out-of-towners. And those close up may have noticed that his facial ticks are also accompanied by a tourette’s style under-the-breath muttering of the phrase, "Goonie-googoo". Apparently, Lambert is a subconscious fan of Eddie Murphy‘s Raw.

Fans of the deathly-long feature-film Meet Joe Black are also probably fans of the beauty involved in said movie, Claire Forlani. Although most fans are well-aware of her beauty and other film credits (the upcoming Hooligans is one) — they’re not aware that she has a wooden leg. With today’s technology in artificial limb replacement being awfully advanced, even her co-stars like Brad Pitt never noticed the hollow-ness of her legs in one-on-one smooch fests. But Claire doesn’t mind the jokes or the looks — "So I’ve got a hollow leg," she jokes. "At least I don’t have a hollow brain!" Yes, Claire. At least you’ve got that going for you.

Citizens with X-Ray vision need read no further, because you already know the strange acoutraments that Nick Lachey wears underneath his sweatpants and t-shirts. For those who don’t, however, a recent bathroom sighting at Beverly Hills’ Orso turned into a papparazzi sighting that never-was. An anonymous patron of the established West side eatery found Lachey changing out of his swimming trunks — which were under a nice pair of slacks and a dress shirt. When asked why he was wearing a bathing suit (a Speedo, to top it off!) Lachey was quick to stumble out of the stall and ignore the entire sighting. PR officials from the Lachey camp deny that he’s ever worn a bathing suit or even gone swimming, but here at WFME — we know the truth from the lies.

Michelle Tractenberg may be starring in the soon-to-be-a-hit ice skating success story Ice Princess but the girl’s got no hand-eye coordination whatsoever. Recently while trying to excise cash from an ATM machine on Melrose Boulevard, Tractenberg was sighted falling to the ground multiple times during her transaction. Although she blew it off to "slippery heels", our sources point out that her pupils were dilated and she reeked of Jagermeister. Bad eye-hand or bad hand-to-mouth…it’s anyone’s guess.

There’s no guessing game to be played when talking about Vince Vaughn‘s romantic attraction to Hollywood starlett Jennifer Aniston. At a recent premiere for the movie The Ring Two, Vaughn was seen snuggling up to Aniston at a corner booth. With the not-so-chummy couple were Vaughn friends Owen Wilson and Luke Wilson. The Pitt-free Aniston was obvious in her lack of interest for Vaughn, which caused the bloated-actor to down three shots in five seconds, eat an entire mini-pizza on his own, and turn his attentions toward a Rosie O’Donnell look-alike, with whom he left the party soon after. All we can say to Vince is — be careful!

Safety first has got to be the key phrase for TV star Jason Bateman who was snitched on by a valet at Hollywood’s Jones bar and restaurant. Apparently, Bateman’s 2005, $70,000 Lexus was filled with numerous extra seat-belts, car baby seats and helmets. When asked about his proclivity for safety measures, Bateman was rumored to have said, "You can never be too careful…with my driving!" Whether it was a joke from close Arrested Development pals or a serious safety sentence — Bateman drove off swerving back and forth across Santa Monica Boulevard and almost hit a pair of citizens, to whom he handed off a chunk of cash for their silence.

And finally, there’s Bruce Willis — who recently came out of the woodwork to do press for his film Sin City. Always obsessed with the amount of hair falling off his skull, Willis has tried a variety of methods in which to coax his little buddies back to his skull. Among some of the strange methods (as described by his former house cleaner) were (a) spreading peanut butter on his head and covering it with saran wrap, (b) hanging upside down with his head in a vat of cherry Jello, (c) grinding up styrofoam peanuts with dark-brown dye and using static electricity to affix the mix to his noggin, and (d) fake rugs. No matter the method, no matter the result — we hate to tell you Bruce, but you’re still bald.

Next week…Justin Timberlake and his obsession with un-salted peanuts, Courtney Cox-Arquette and her obsessive-compulsive collection of headless dolls from the 1800’s, and Bill Maher‘s fear of suede.

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