- Paul Davidson
Revisiting Solicitors, Part 54A
I’m a fool, it’s true. But I can’t quite help screwing with people who call me on the phone.
Her: Good evening, is Paul Davidson there?
(This is the moment I decide to act like I’m retarded, for some odd reason. So I break out the long syllables and high-pitched tones and make sure it takes me longer to say absolutely every phrase that leaves my mouth.)
Me: Paaaaaaul Davidssssson.
Her: So, this is Mr. Davidson?
Me: Hi! Who are you?
Her: This is ******** from MBNA America, calling to see if you’d be interested in consolidating debt or getting a lower percentage on your mortgage?
Me: What time is it?
Her: Eight PM, sir.
Me: Nooooooooooo. It’s fiiiiiiiveeeee PM!
Her: Well, I’m in New York. You’re in California.
Her: Hello. So, Mr. Davidson – would you be interested in talking to someone about consolidating your debt or getting a lower percentage on your mortgage?
Her: Yes, Mr. Davidson. Debt.
Me: Do you have debt?
Her: I have three kids. Of course I have debt.
Me: I like asparagus.
Her: Mr. Davidson?
Her: Do you want to talk to someone about reducing your mortgage or consolidating your debt?
Me: Who are they?
Her: They are MBNA.
Me: What do you call them?
Her: Uh… MBNA.
Me: Their nammmmmmmme.
Her: MBNA. Sir. Please. Do you want to talk to them or not?
Me: What time is it?
Her: Eight o’ five, sir.
Me: Haha. No it’s not! It’s five o’ five!
Her: Where you’re at, yes. But not in New York.
Me: Do you like dogs?
Her: Mr. Davidson, I’m going to have to hang up now.
Me: But you calllleeeed me! Why are you hanging up?
Her: Unless you want to talk to someone about reducing your mortgage rate or consolidating debt, I’m going to have to hang up on you.
Me: But you called me. Now you want to hang up on me?
Her: Yes, Mr. Davidson.
Her: Hanging up now…
Me: Talk to your supervisor.
Her: Excuse me?
Me: I want to talk to your supervisor.
(A 30 second wait, then-)
(Now, my voice changes to normal.)
Supervisor: What seems to be the problem?
Me: Well, I get a call from someone who wants to offer me debt consolidation then suddenly is threatening to hang up on me. It’s just strange to me. Her attitude, is obviously, a bit abrasive.
Supervisor: Well, do you want to talk to someone about debt consolidation?
(The phone hangs up.)
Another successful, yet time consuming success!