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My New Top Gun Call-Sign

With all this talk about Tom Cruise lately, it got me to thinking back about Top Gun and how Cruise had that great flight call-sign “Maverick” and how Val Kilmer had that great call-sign “Iceman” and how Anthony Edwards had that not-so-great call-sign “Goose.”

Like they always say, it’s the guy with the bad call-sign (or the Enterprise ensign with the red outfit) who always ends up getting it in the end.

I’ve decided that my new top gun call-sign will be, from this day forward, Raptor.

If you think about it, a name like Paul is all fine and good and bible-esque and possibly is one of those names that people can respect but now that I’ve got my own cool Top Gun call-sign, well, I think the respect and fear factor will so go over the top (if you know what I mean.) For example, take a look at these two conversations and see how having a Top Gun call sign makes all the difference in the world:

(At Starbuck’s, Pre-Top Gun Callsign)

Them: Hello, sir. How can I help you? Me: Coffee please. Them: That’ll be three-fifty, sir. Me: Here you go! Them: Thanks, sir. Come again.

(At Starbuck’s, Post-Top Gun Callsign)

Them: Ohmigosh, it’s Raptor. What do you want!? Me: Coffee. Now. Them: Take it, Raptor! Just take it. Me: [Walks out the door] Them: [to co-worker] That was Raptor.

As you can see, not only does having a Top Gun callsign cause others to respect and possibly even fear you, but it causes the callsign holder (i.e., me) to be a little more terse in my responses, and a little less polite — but you know, all with a good heart about it.

Do you have your own Top Gun callsign?

I’d love to go out sometime in public only using my Top Gun callsign and constantly use such a callsign for all in the world to hear. You know, I imagine me (Raptor) and my co-pilot/friend (Kangaroo) out at a bar, trying to pick up chicks:

Me: Yeah, I’m Raptor. That’s Kanagroo. Her: Excuse me? Him: Yeah. He’s Raptor. I’m Kangaroo. Her Friend: What? Me: You know. Our Top Gun callsigns. Her: Your what-gun, what? Me: Top Gun? The Movie? Her Friend: Yeah, we gotta go. See ya.

Sometimes, even in my head, it doesn’t turn out the way it’s supposed to.

In other news, my article in this month’s Wired Magazine on The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy is now available online for your digital perusal.

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