My Kaos Theory

People so want to be phat, it ain’t even funny.

I met someone today here in Dallas who works here in Dallas and who we are working with closely on the undisclosed, unexplained, previously-outlined show I’m working on. This is how our meeting went…

Her: Hey, great to meet you. My name is [insert boring american name here].

Me: Nice to meet you, [insert boring american name here].

Her: Actually, you don’t have to call me by my name. You can just call me Chaos.

Me: Chaos?

Her: Yeah, my nickname.

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First of all, you are not allowed to give yourself your own nickname. And you’re definitely not allowed to change it to something that sounds like you’re a rap star when you have a name like Jenny Smith or Kim Miller or Kristy Jones (hers was something like that).

But if you ARE going to go ahead and start telling people that you have a nickname and you’d prefer that people call you by that nickname, then pick something that goes with your name. For example, if I was going to start trying to get people to call me by a nickname that I wanted to be called, and that didn’t originate from some silly situation — I couldn’t really go with much more than “Pauly”, “Pauly D”, “Pablo”, “Pablocito” and/or “PD”.

I could possibly get away with that. But if I introduced myself to you and told you my nickname was “Spider”, “The Razzle-Dizzle”, “G-Money”, “Puppy D”, “Pauly Dizzle” and/or “Crazy-Eyes Killah” — you’d say OK then talk about me behind my back for the rest of the day.

I know you would.

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In other news — the first full day in Dallas has been good. Primarily getting situated before full-production starts next week and also getting used to my MURPHY BED. This bed COMES OUT OF THE WALL. I’m not kidding you people. It’s like a bed right out of The Matrix.

I’m going to have nightmares about me sleeping in this bed, and the bed flipping back up into the wall, and me not being able to make it to what I have dubbed “Hotel Free Breakfast.”