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  • Paul Davidson

My Impression of a Doorbell Will So Fool You

Don’t get me wrong — I’m not out to confuse you.

But when you’re sitting in the same room as me and we’re watching TV and then all of a sudden you hear the doorbell and you get up to answer the door (because it is your house) and then you get to the door and then you open the door and then you stand there dumbfounded because there is (surprise surprise) no one even at the door… I will have already fooled you without you even knowing it.

“I could have sworn I heard the doorbell ring!” you would say.

“Did you just hear the doorbell?” you’d ask me.

“This is crazy! There’s something really suspicious going on here!!” you’d lament.

Then I would double over in laughter along with the rest of the people hanging out in your home and we would be hysterical, laughing and giggling and crying out that we can’t breathe and that we’re getting the best ab workout ever…

“What is SO funny?!” you would yell.

“What does this have to do with the doorbell!?” you would scream.

“Something fishy is going on here…” you’d realize.

And then all at once, I would stand up and face you, point to my mouth — and replicate the sound of your doorbell, but coming out of my person. The look on your face would be priceless as you flashed all of us that Candid Camera-esque “I’ve just been hoodwinked” look. Soon after, you’d admit wholeheartedly that my impression of a doorbell has totally fooled you.

But my impressionistic technique is not all “one note.” I am not the Rich Little of doorbell impressionists since I cannot replicate some of the more elaborate doorbell chimes that you have to spend (at least) $100 on when you go to The Home Depot. But I am also not just a “single note” doorbell impression kind of guy. With years of practice has come years of experience which has allowed me to fool a wide array of people from a wide array of backgrounds living in a wide array of homes that contain doorbells that are different in their chime-ages.

I can do the “ding dong.” I can do the “ding-ding-da-dong.” I can do the “ding ding.” I can do the “ding-dong ding-dong, ding-dong-ding-dong.” I can do the “dingah-ding” and the “dingy-dong.” I can do the “bring-dong” and the “chime-dong.” I can do the “cha-ding, bring-dong” and the “b-b-bring d-dong.” I can do the “ding” and the “dong” but not the “bring-ding bring-dong bring-bring ding-dong” due to its high octaves. But I can do many. Many more than any other impressionist on the face of the Earth.

In the end, it’s all about having a niche — which I think I’ve accomplished. And by golly, if I can get you to get up from your couch and answer the door when really, there’s no one at the door, and the sound you’ve heard is really ME doing my impression of YOUR doorbell, well — isn’t it obvious?

I am the King.

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