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  • Paul Davidson

Lord of the Farzi Electrical Contractors

I learned three things yesterday.

1. Never try to install a smoke detector yourself.

2. Electrical sparks hurt bad.

3. People who don’t speak fluent English should not be doing any type of electrical work inside your house.

Really, it was a strange situation. On the heels of having work done I figured I’d be one of those Home Depot type of guys and go get some new smoke detectors and install ’em. First one worked like a charm, yet the second one had all these stray wires coming out of the ceiling. After a few tries, I called the first electricians I could find; nearby. Little did I know, although the person who answered the phone could speak English — the people who showed up couldn’t.

They were like the Farzi version of Abbott & Costello. One, a lumbering huge man, yet quiet. The other, a skinny (intelligent) one with a belt filled with tools. The lumbering one kept wanting a glass of water, yet by the time I got around to putting the glass under the fridge’s automatic water filter spout, there was no electricity on in the whole damn house. These guys had screwed up.

When someone is blabbering to you in half-broken English and can’t explain to you what they’re doing, what they’ve done, or what they’re about to do (i.e. unscrew your entire electrical breaker panel) you have two choices.

One. Stand quietly and let them do whatever they want. Or…

Two. Make them leave your house immediately.

I went with choice number two. And along with kicking the Farzi electrical brothers out of my house, I found myself in a house with no electricity whatsoever. And that, my friends, meant one big thing. I was going to be unable to attend the 7:30 “free screening” of The Return of the King that New Line Cinema was putting on. Mind you, not a public midnight screening — a studio sponsored free one over at the Beverly Hills Motion Picture Arts & Sciences theater.

So, here we are today, and I’m a few hours from going to see the movie. I hear it’s damn good so I hope that it is. If anything, we get to spend some more wonderful time with Gollum.

There was as great sketch on last weekend’s SNL, where Chris Kattan showed up in the opening monologue (that was being given by Elijah Wood) as Gollum. He was hilarious and the two started talking about their new sitcom pilot they had filmed that was “based on the comedy of Gollum”. It was literally, like watching the opening to Laverne & Shirley meets Perfect Strangers with that trademark shot where both guys walk in separate doorways, and they crash together — then they look at each other and give a grin. Hilarious.

That’s all for you. You may go about your business, now.

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