For as long as I can remember, the debate about which animal is cooler (llama vs. kangaroo) has been raging on.
The simpletons…the people who try to sweep aside controversial subject matter will do so with sweeping generalities. If you’re talking about racism they’ll say, “Black or white — it’s what’s inside that counts.” Ask them about Coke or Pepsi and they’re bound to say, “Cola is cola. Why can’t we just all get along?” They seek to stop controversial discussions because they think they’re helping you all as a group. Without conflict, the world is a happy place.
Ask them which animal is cooler…the llama or the kangaroo and they most often say, “I don’t like to pick sides when I’m talking about the Animal Kingdom” or “Two legs…four legs… Really, isn’t the heart more important than that?”
To those people unwilling to take a side in the ever-raging battle of “Which Animal Is Cooler” I say, “Pfffbbt” (with three f’s, not four).
The debate, of course, has been going on since the dawn of time when God sat down to create the animals on this great planet and was spent…having already created the mainstream animals like the horse and the dog and the cat and the eagle and the birds and the fish and the pygmy marmoset. He/she/alknowing-it turned its attention towards the quirkier, more unique animals.
Somewhere around 3am in the morning, he came up with the ingenious ideas for a hopping mammal who has a pouch for its young to travel in…and a not-so-pleasant horse-like animal who loves to spit and has a horrid personality.
But as time wore on, people started to take sides. There was the Association for Hopping Animals and Kangaroonians that formed — two organizations seeking to sing the praises of their beloved hopping homie. Of course, the Llamidians and He Spits, We Spit, We All Spit Association of Greater New Jersey soon followed. There is a rumor that on a cold evening on the border of New Jersey and New York in 1974 a rumble ensued. The Llamidians and the Kangaroonians battled each other to within seconds of their own lives, each singing the praises of “the spitter” or “the hopper.”
We here at WMFE like to take sides.
And so today, on this averagely-sunny Los Angeles day, we’d like to officially announce our decision to align ourselves, this site and anything related to ourselves and this site with The Llamidians of Greater Orange County (http://www.llamidians.com) — who strive to uphold all that is in support of the Llama, it’s nagging personality, and its love of all things spitting.
Some people will reel back in horror at such an endorsement. Some will wonder why WFME (even with it’s gleeking posts of days gone by) would sign up on the side of an animal that doesn’t even have a pouch. Well, we believe that Llamas deserve more respect and attention in the mainstream media than they’ve gotten before. And because of it, we sing their praises.
We encourage debate. We welcome it. But in the end, will you be able to convince WFME that this decision is wrong? Probably not.
If so, we will spit on you.
—
In other news, “Words For Your Enjoyment” emerges from the darkness tomorrow — yet again. And although they’re ain’t no hams being given out, we hope that the inspiration and happiness instilled by your ideas is enough for your effort. If not, we will resume with free pizzas delivered to your house, NEXT WEEK.