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  • Paul Davidson

Line Cutting

You know who you are.

On opening nights of movies, I see you. You get there ten minutes before the theater is about to let in the long line and you survey it. “Is this the line for ******,” you ask. “Wow, this really is a long line,” you say to your other friend. And you stand there, near the very front of the line — which I got by getting here early. And you wait.

What are you waiting for?

You hover around and people start talking about you under their breath. Who are you, what movie are you seeing and if you are seeing ******, why aren’t you getting in line. I mean, they are letting everyone in very soon.

But no, you prefer to hover near the area where the doors will open, and then casually inch your way into the crowd that will push itself through those doors when they are opened. You refuse to get in line and wait like everyone else and I am desperate to find a way to stop the madness.

Aaaaaaaaaaaaaarrrgggggh.

The inherent problem of line-cutters lies in the fact that only 1/3 of the people waiting in line for a movie care if people cut in line. Without full support of the entire line, without full angry hellish reactions that startle the line-cutter, there will never be a stop to such inherent movie-going problems. But the line-cutter is not solely limited to movies.

How about the Grocery Store? You know the scene. There are only two registers open and then suddenly a third one opens. “Next person in line!” they yell. Well, the line-cutter may not be the next person in any line, the line-cutter may be two people behind you yet they will rush to the new line without warning. I do have one suggestion, though.

Tazer guns.

I think that anyone who is currently in a line for a movie, a register, a hot dog at the fair, a ride at the amusement park — whatever… If you are in line and someone cuts in front of you, you should have the right to shock them with a tazer gun. It doesn’t kill a person, but it will cause them to drop to the floor unconsciously which, when they awake, will have taught them a lesson.

I’m dedicated in working with local authorities on this one, if only to become the means to an end so that I can finally be guaranteed the EXACT CENTER seats in a movie theater.

Because those, my friends, are the BEST SEATS EVER.

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