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Lily Costner and Me: Our Whirlwind Journey Across the World

Trust me when I tell you that it was as much of a surprise to me as it will be to you.

Lily and I were sitting on my couch watching my first season DVD of Curb Your Enthusiasm when she pressed pause and turned to me.

“Let’s go get Slurpees,” she said.

“Slurpees?” I stopped, confused. “From where?”

“Duh, idiot,” she joked as she pushed me (fairly hard) in the shoulder. “7 Eleven. Home of the Slurpee. Didn’t you ever have a Slurpee as a kid?”

“Icee, sure,” I responded. “But Slurpees? Nope.”

She flipped off the TV to get my full attention.

“My dad, Kevin Costner…” she said, which she was always saying because for some reason the fact that her dad was Kevin always seemed to enter into the conversation… “My dad Kevin Costner used to take me all the time on Sunday afternoons after little league. It was awesome. Not only because my dad was Kevin Costner and he was so well known and had enough money to buy me a thousand Slurpees, but because it was family time.”

“Riiiight,” I responded.

Lily grabbed the keys and I chased her out the door to her BMW M Series Coupe. It was “the one my dad, Kevin Costner bought with some of the money from Waterworld” she would always say. Of course, even after I would joke and prod her about the fact that Waterworld was the most silly and stupid movie on the face of the Earth, she would just shrug and tell me that her dad, Kevin Costner “never made his movie choices based on quality, but whether or not he got to wear a leather vest.”

When we arrived at 7-Eleven, you could imagine the craziness that surrounded us. There was the usual clerk-chaos, all obsessed with Lil since her recent naming as one of “People Magazine’s Most Beautiful People.” I mean, the mags were right there all day long across from the main register at the store, so it would have been a surprise had they not known who she was. They fawned all over her as she tripped over to the Slurpee machine, dribbling us out a pair of cherry Slurpees.

After Lil had signed the autographs (she signed empty Slurpee cups for the register-fans) we went outside and sat on the hood of her car. It was a quiet moment as we ingested what she now refers to as “ice juice.” There was a hilarious moment when she looked to me, her eyes going cross-eyed…

“Brain-freeze,” joked Lily. “My dad, Kevin Costner always used to get brain-freeze but he told me that while he was on the set of Bull Durham he and Susan Sarandon invented a way to get rid of brain-freeze which was to simply blow out your nose…”

She blew out her nose and her cross-eyedness went away.

“See,” she pointed out. “My dad, Kevin Costner has more talents than just acting.”

. . .

When we got back to the house later that day we finished up watching Curb, and found ourselves reflecting upon the day at hand. Entertainment on the TV, out and about with all of Lil’s “real fans” and then sitting on the roof of a BMW purchased by her multi-talented dad, you-know-who. Really, all in all, it was a day that I would never forget for all of those reasons, but most of all for the last thing Lily said to me as she headed out to a photo shoot for Maxim.

“You know what, Paul…” she said, smiling… “Being the daughter of Kevin Costner, who happens to be my dad is, well, tough…”

She paused, flipping the huge black BMW keys in her hand.

“But when it all comes down to it,” she nodded, “if it wasn’t for my dad, Kevin Costner, I would never have been crowned Miss Golden Globes 2004.”

“That was a wonderful honor for you,” I agreed.

“Yeah,” she said. “Yeah, it was.”

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