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  • Paul Davidson

Let Me Axe You A Question

I would like to axe you a question.

The process, of course, for me to axe you a question requires a little bit of what I call “setup time” in which you write out your question, you place it on some kind of laminated note-card of sorts, and you place it on a wooden table. If you put it on a steel table, me axing you a question really won’t work.

Secondly, once you have placed your question on said wooden table, I will then retreat to my changing room where I will put on some really manly looking overalls and a red and white checkered cotton shirt. I will get my skull cap from the closet and I will put on my gloves.

The third step in preparing myself to axe you a question is to get the axe.

Then, without warning, but right in front of you so as to startle you and axe you a question all at once, I will wield my axe with great force, slamming it down upon your question on the wooden table. If all goes well, my axe will sever your question with great skill, splitting it into two smaller questions. Of course, one question may make sense (i.e., How do you do –?) while the second smaller half of the question I have just axed you might not (i.e., –that thing with your nose and the whistling?).

Either way, it won’t much matter because — yes, I have axed you a question, and it has occurred with such skill and accuracy that the answer to the question I have just axed you, really doesn’t play a part here in the larger scheme of things.

Skeptics might say, “Hey, Paul — really isn’t it true that you didn’t axe me a question, but you axed a question which resulted in two not-so coherent questions?”

To that I say, “for all intensive purposes, let’s just play it by year.”

In other news, tomorrow brings yet another “Words For Your Enjoyment” — a feature that has graced the pages of WFME for some time now. This week we’re upping the ante a little in that I’m looking for a column suggestion that YOU THINK is just too hard to write about. Something that you think is so complicated, so tough to find the humor in — that you’re CHALLENGING me to do so. And, as always, if WFYE features you startlingly-intelligent suggestion…well, linkage will occur!

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