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  • Paul Davidson

Jedi Mind-Trick Waiters

The Jedi Mind-Trick has now become the most commonly-used tool by Los Angeles based waiters.

I recently went out to lunch with a group of friends to a local place in L.A. called Hugo’s. While there, one of the parties at the table ordered a hamburger. That’s right. A good ‘ol American beef hamburger. Really, there’s not much to confuse an order such as that — but when my hamburger-ordering pal got his plate, it seemed as if something was afood at the Circle K.

Hamburger Friend: Does this look like a hamburger to you guys?

We looked at the burger — he had already taken a bite out of it. It looked less brown and more of a light-white color.

Me: That’s supposed to be a burger?

Hamburger Friend: Yeah. Supposed to be.

Me: Well, you should tell the waiter.

Just at that moment, the Jedi waiter walked by the table to see if everything was OK. Little did we know, he was already gearing up to smear the Force all over our minds.

Hamburger Friend: Excuse me?

Waiter: Yes? Is everything OK?

Hamburger Friend: What is this?

The HF held up the burger so the waiter could see it.

Waiter: A veggie burger, no?

Hamburger Friend: A veggie burger!?

Waiter: What did you order?

Hamburger Friend: I ordered a hamburger. Is this a hamburger or a veggie burger?

A pause. The waiter looked as if he was powering up his Jedi Mind Trick skills. And then, it came out of his mouth — so honest and so believeable.

Waiter: That is a hamburger.

We looked at each other. It didn’t look like a hamburger.

Hamburger Friend: Are you sure it’s a hamburger?

Waiter: That is a hamburger.

Hamburger Friend: Because I’m not going to eat a veggie-burger. If it’s meat, I’ll eat it. If it’s chicken or a turker burger, that’s fine. But I’m not going to eat a veggie-burger.

Waiter: No, that’s a hamburger.

Hamburger Friend: But it doesn’t look like a hamburger. Hamburgers are brown. This isn’t brown or even red.

Waiter: Do you want me to replace it with another one? It will only take a second.

Hamburger Friend: Well, if it’s a hamburger, then no.

Waiter: It’s a hamburger.

Hamburger Friend: Oooo….K.

The waiter looked around nervously, and quickly slipped away from our table. We all looked at each other with confusion. Was it a hamburger? Our minds were starting to boil.

Me: That’s not a hamburger.

Hamburger Friend: No, it’s not.

When the bill came — our suspicions were confirmed. Listed on the top of the list was Veggie Burger. The waiter had tried to use his Jedi Mind Tricks on us to mask the fact that he had made a huge mistake then tried to cover it up with his confusing, babbling words.

It had dissuaded us this time from re-ordering. But next time we’d know how to handle the likes of such Bantha fodder.

Oh yes. We would be ready.

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