I Do Not Have A Double-Jointed Thumb

It’s true. I am a freak.

I have run into about sixteen people over the last two weeks who all have double-jointed thumbs. At the drop of a hat they can hold both their hands up in mid-air and flick their thumbs out of whack in a weird dance-like rhythm that is both intriguing and nauseating all at once.

Most people with double-jointed thumbs are extremely proud of that fact. Like it’s some kind of talent that they could go on the road with, or make a living with. Of course, not being a part of the underground cult that is all about double-jointed thumbs, I may very well be wrong. Perhaps, just like the Blue Man Group, there is a group of double-jointed thumb artists who, not unlike STOMP, do musical numbers strictly with the percussion that comes from the sound of a double-jointed thumb getting tweaked.

In fact, somewhere at this moment there is probably a casting director who is desperately seeking an actor or actress who can speak in a British accent and who just happens to have double-jointed thumbs so that they may be the next Bond villain who dispatches his enemies with the “flip of a thumb.”

Somewhere at this moment there is a group of double-jointed and weird-talented people sitting down in a corner booth at a local Denny’s showing off their double-jointed thumbs, limber (I can twist it upside down) tongues, yoga-like feet behind their heads, Cirque du Soleil-esque hole in their throat (after a tracheotomy) karaoke singing talents and much much more.

I just don’t happen to be one of them.