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  • Paul Davidson

I Am The First Actor/Star of Instant Messenger

Entertainment and Media has sure evolved over the years.

First it was the stage. Then radio. Then silent pictures. Then movies got sound. Then the Hollywood system was formed and actors all across the world began to become well known for their pictures and their big-budget successful movies. Media has evolved, grown and formed.

I always wanted to be an actor.

Well, I was like everyone else who watches television and says to themselves, “That doesn’t look too hard!” I mean, what do they do? They get a thousand takes to say the same damn lines and they work minimal hours per week and what kind of cushy job that’s got to be. It’s what caused me to join The Groundlings here in Los Angeles and about three weeks in I realized I had made a very very very serious mistake. Acting was hard. I bowed down to all the actors of the world, even those on WB and UPN sitcoms. They were doing something that required skill. And I didn’t have it.

My next step was to try voice over. I mean, how hard is voice over? All you do is sit in a padded cell, reading copy off a piece of paper and with the music being played behind your voice, you can become the next movie trailer voice-over guy and make tons of money! About three weeks into taking my classes and being forced to find the emotions (the acting emotions) I would need to really sell that refrigerator while imagining having sex (apparently in the world of voice over, everything you sell must sound like it’s as good as sex), I bowed down to the voice over actors of the world. Even those on late night commercials, selling electronic ab-stimulators and Viagra-type pills. They were doing something that required skill. And I didn’t have it, either.

So I turned to the one frontier that had yet to be populated, yet. I turned to the potential profession Instant Messenger Actor. And found out that I was damn good at it. I am, until someone else challenges me otherwise, an up and coming Instant Messenger Actor/Star.

I can communicate anger, happiness, jealousy, psychoticness, lethargy, boredom, ignorance, enthusiasm, carelessness, stupidity and much much more — all through my text on the computer screen. I find myself in a variety of scenes, interacting with a slew of other non-actors in the Instant Messenger world and am able to hold my own and convince others of my “character of the moment.”

For example — just the other day I was talking to someone. They asked me how I was doing. Well, I was playing the part of Henry Littlebird, a present day Indian pissed off at the white man for eradicating my people over the 200 year history of this country. So, being mad, I decided to be mute. I said nothing to this peson I was talking to (my grandmother) and she suddenly grew confused. “Why are you not talking to me, Paul?” she asked. But it wasn’t Paul she was talking to. It was Henry Littlebird! Henry stayed silent, stewing in his hatred for this white woman and her ancestors. Eventually, after some prodding, Henry Littlebird lashed out at the white woman saying, “You are responsible for so much death and destruction, may you rot in Hell!” Well, my grandmother was taken aback. Even stunned. She disconnected and I had to call her up to tell her everything was OK.

Henry Littlebird was a success. And so was I — Instant Messenger Actor/Star.

I was also involved in a conversation the other day with an acquaintance I met through the WFME site. We were talking endlessly about politics and what not, and then suddenly, as if an acting coach said, “Scene ON!”, Paul was replaced by political failure, Dr. James Miller. Having tried to run for local political positions (Mayor, Water Board President, PTA liaison), he had failed at everything and got extremely annoyed when people would talk about politics. James hated it. So when this acquaintance mentioned the current political climate, you can imagine the foul-mouthed opinionated words that came from his keyboard. The acquaintance grew angry, disconnected, and we haven’t spoken since.

Current record: 2-0. That’s right, people. This Instant Messenger/Acting/Star thing is really working for me!

I have been trying to figure out just how I can make this a legitimate claim to fame. How I can secure my place in history as the first ever Instant Messenger Actor/Star. I know there are ways — and I am moving to make these things happen. But not as Paul Davidson… As Rand Williams — the slick businessman who has made thousands and thousands of dollars getting into new and exciting business opportunities without much forethought or planning. That’s because Rand Williams is the best businessman and slickest deal maker around. I’m leaving it all up to him (and 10%) to make me the next biggest thing in the world of Instant Messengering.

I can feel it. This is really gonna work.

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