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  • Paul Davidson

I Am Afraid The Identical Version Of Me In An Alternate Universe Has A Better Life Than I Do

Sure, it’s a lot of words and requires a deep breath to say, but I am afraid that the identical version of me, living in an alternative dimension, has a better life than I do.

Sure, you have to buy into the fact that there ARE alternative dimensions. That while we exist in this here dimension, there are other planes of existence — other worlds identical to this one (think of that show Sliders and you’ll know what I’m talking about here) where Paul Davidson is not just a writer and producer and amazing karaoke performer. But instead, he is better at everything in his dimension than I am in mine.

Sure, it’s okay to be competitive with people or co-workers in your own damn dimension, but when I have to start worrying that my doppleganger in another dimension is better at Foosball and video games and tieing a cherry stem in a knot with only his tongue…than me – well, it causes me to sit awake at night trying to figure out just how I can out smart that Davidson bastard.

Sure, that might sound crazy.

Sure, it might have zero basis in science.

Sure, you might find the word “sure” repetitive… But, I’m more concerned with the fact that the other Paul Davidson in the other dimension is better than me in every single way.

There are things that plague my soul at night when it’s pitch black (except for my nightlight). What if said Davidson doppleganger actually knows that he has another version of himself in another dimension (ME) and that he is already better than me in every single way? What if he’s got some huge ego thing going where he walks around everywhere and tells women, “There are two other versions of me in other dimensions, and I am proud to tell you that I am better than them at everything!”

How is that supposed to make me look?

How am I supposed to feel, knowing that people in OTHER damn dimensions are already talking behind my back? How am I supposed to feel, knowing that there is no way for me to compete with the better version of myself? How am I supposed to convince those women in that other dimension that dick-head Davidson in the fourth dimension is a big talker and a big liar?

I have NO recourse here.

At least, in this dimension, I could go challenge this person talking behind my back and either kick his ass or get mine kicked. Either way, I would be defending my honor. But when the other version of me is talking about me to other women in another dimension and putting me down because he’s better than me on every single level — I’m helpless.

I guess that’s why I’m afraid of the other version of me being better than me in that other dimension. I simply have no control… Yet.

For, if I start working on the idea now, I may very well be able to communicate or visit said referenced other dimension at sometime in my future — giving me the opportunity to find Davidson, kick his ass, and teach him a lesson.

That’s assuming, of course, that they have a really good 411 telephone system. Otherwise, I have no idea how I’m supposed to find Paul Davidson in the other dimension. Do you? Seriously, what if they have a whole different, foreign infrastructure that I haven’t grown up with and therefore have no idea how to use? I could be stranded, a lonley scared pitiful fool in a foreign dimension without any way of getting home or finding my identical cousin, who I would still be intent on teaching a lesson to.

Personally, I hate getting lost. Whether it’s driving or being in a different dimension. It just gives me the willies.

So, in the end — I may just hang out here in this dimension and leave the multi-dimensional ass-kicking to some other Paul Davidson in another dimension, who is still not nearly as talented as that asshole who’s been doing all the talking.

Either way, if I wait long enough, someone will do something about it.

I just know they will.

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