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  • Paul Davidson

He Can Drink Beer Through His Nose

When I was in college, there was a friend of mine who could drink beer through his nose.

It was, all at once, the most disgusting and hilarious sight I have ever seen in my life and to this day it continues to make me giggle, just thinking about it. And so, just as I have previously instructed the world on how to gleek and scratch your throat, I felt I would provide you the step by step instructions to drinking beer through your nose.

Step #1: Get a bottle of beer that is to your liking. A bottle of beer that you wouldn’t mind going up your nose and down your throat.

Step #2: Open bottle of beer.

Step #3: Decide on which nostril would prefer to accept beer. Some people say the left nostril is more apropros since beer is a drink that at one point in our history was outlawed. And since “the left” is considered not-mainstream, you may want that “stream” of beer to go that direction. Then again, if you have a deviated septum, go with the right.

Step #4: Hold the bottle up to your chosen nostril, while closing and plugging the other nostril.

Step #5: Tilt your head back. The beer will begin to flow into your nose.

Step #6: As the beer begins to flow into your nose, you will need to open your mouth and begin to pretend as if you’re gulping or swallowing beer. This will allow your nose to send the beer through your nostrils and back down into your mouth.

Step #7: You may now choose to swallow the beer straight away or spit it out your mouth as it flows downward!

Step #8: Repeat until your audience has laughed their asses off.

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