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  • Paul Davidson

Eggs Grow Cold

After an exhausive period of doing research and a variety of half-blind trials, WFME science correspondents have determined that out of all foods that can be cooked and made hot, there is only one food that grows coldest, the quickest.

That food, is eggs.

Whether you scramble them or poach them, hard-boil them or omelette them, add cheese or bacon or vegetables to them… Put them on a plate out in the open and wait a good 45 seconds and that’s about the time that they turn from hot fluffy goodness into freezing little buddies of fluff.

Eggs grow cold.

I have tried to stave off the egg-coldness factor through a variety of ways. I have covered them in paper towels, sat them next to extremely-hot bacon or sausage. I have placed them inside two halfs of the hot buttery goodness of sourdough bread. I have kept them in between two plates, beside the working toaster, and beneath a normal lamp (a desk light) whenst I was without a professional heating one. In every single situation… cold, cold, cold, cold, cold.

Think about this: When eggs pop out of the back of a chicken — they must sit on them for a long long time to keep them warm. Eggs instinctively WANT to be cold. The minute they pop out of the chicken, they long to feel the whipping wind of society. But the chicken keeps the egg warm, up to the very minute that it a little fluffly chick is ready to emerge. Such is the case for cooking them as well. They come out of the fridge freezing cold and it is up to you (or the cook) to keep them warm until prepared well enough to serve. Here’s an equation to illustrate just what I mean:

Egg is born + chicken keeps it warm = alive on the farm.

Egg out of the fridge + on the stove, it will live = on your plate, with some toast.

As you can see, the life of a little chick and a little omelette is quite the same, with the same temperature issue in both scenarios.

Eggs grow cold, and there’s really not much you can do about it except eat fast before it gets cold which just goes to show you that although so many people in the media say that this country is obese because of the fast food places and TV and society and what not — someone should stop for a moment and heap some of the vilification on eggs. Because if eggs didn’t get so cold, so fast, I wouldn’t have to eat them like I was running a marathon in 3.4 seconds.

If only there was a way to solve this conundrum.

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