Some people wonder where my rants come from.
To be perfectly honest, before I started Words For Your Enjoyment back in February of this year, I picked up a little known book about Blogging. Chapter Three was specifically dedicated to the “rant”, a common online blog writing technique that some people have yet to master. One’s reward for finishing reading chapter three, or just skipping to the last two pages, was a “Do-It-Yourself Rant” form. A simple outline to help you create your own rants for just about anything.
I felt that now was as good a time as any to share it with all of you. I have reprinted it just as it was printed in this book but will refrain from mentioning the title as to not piss anyone off…
Opening Sentence: Oh boy, I just cannot stand/handle/cope with/deal with/face [insert the thing you cannot stand/handle/cope with/deal with/face here]!
First Paragraph (The reasons): Let me tell you why I just cannot stand/handle/cope with/deal with/face [insert the thing you cannot stand/handle/cope with/deal with/face here]! I mean, it just gets me all steamed/annoyed/frustrated/pissed off and I find that it has disrupted my work/family life/emotional stability/ability to perform in the bedroom/[or other answer here].
Second Paragraph (The example from a long time ago): A long time ago I had an incident/experience/terror-filled evening where I came face to face with [insert the thing you cannot stand/handle/cope with/deal with/face here] and it caused me to [insert result of said terror-filled evening]. (Go on to explain the remainder of said incident from a long time ago.)
Third Paragraph (The random conclusion): Which brings me to my point which relates to bugs/toilet paper/pixie sticks/jello/socks/hand lotion/electrical outlets/plastic fasteners/twisty-ties/[insert other related item here that is not serious or important].
Fourth Paragraph (The runaround): (Here’s where you, the amazing writer, takes everything you’ve mentioned, mentions it again but with a lack of punctuation or grammar (one paragraph with no period or punctuation is key) and which eventually references your very first sentence.
Fifth Paragraph (The one line paragraph): And that’s the way [insert the thing you cannot stand/handle/cope with/deal with/face here] is. (You may substitute “And that’s the way” with “So long, farewell”, “You knew it was coming”, “Hahaha, you’re so busted!”, “Two men enter, one man leaves”, and/or “That’s what you get for kicking me in the groin!”)
Be creative. And go with your instincts!