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Conspiracy Theories

I read something online yesterday that says that The Denver International Airport (recently finished in the last few years, and one of the largest in the country) actually has huge underground levels that are hidden to most citizens, that will someday be used as a huge detention facility, when the New World Order comes to power. You know, they’ll turn the airport into some kind of a huge concentration camp. But underground. You know, so at least it’ll be cooler for all those people who are about to be shoveled into ovens or whatever hi-tech torture techniques they use when that happens.

I also saw an ancient carved drawing online yesterday, pulled from one of the great pyramids in Egypt. It showed many Egyptian men, then at the bottom, what was described as (and looked like) an alien face. This, the webmaster wrote, meant that aliens had obviously been around back then and helped the Egyptians build the pyramids. Another website actually reprinted a scan of the same drawing, this one with more contrast — revealing that the alien was actually a carving of a vase, with flowers in it.

I think my neighbor keeps putting his garbage into my trash bin behind the kitchen door, but I have yet to prove it. There are no websites that can confirm or deny this fact.

I will attempt to prove this fact before the end of February.

When I got back from The People’s Choice awards, I looked through the gift bag and was pretty stoked on what was inside. In addition to free dinners for two, spa gift certificates, cd’s, and a bunch of chick stuff (make-up, creams, etcetera) there was a catalog of Harley Davidson shoes, and you could basically pick any pair and they’d send it to you for free. I quickly convinced Jen that she hated all the women’s shoes, so I was free to choose two for myself.

I faxed off the order late that night.

Here’s the thing — if you’ve never tried on a certain brand of shoes, how do you know what size you are? Traditionally, I’m a 12 1/2, but sometimes it varies. Well, Harley Davidson shoes only come in full sizes, so what was I to do? I went for the 13’s, cause, the 12’s would probably be too tight.

I got both pairs yesterday. And they’re loose.

Can’t return them anywhere. So I went to the drug store and got some extra shoe padding stuff and heel stickums. It’s still loose, but I’m wearing them. Who says that shoes have to be snug? Right? As long as the damn things don’t fall off.

You know the rush of having a book published is slowly disappearing when you totally forget that you have a live Boston radio interview when you really DO have a live Boston radio interview. It sort of went something like this:

The Clock reads 5:34am

The phone rings. Paul stirs, as does Jen.

Jen: The phone? Who’s calling at 5:30 in the morning?

Paul: Wrong number. Has to be a wrong number.

The caller ID says who’s calling, and it doesn’t ring a bell.

Paul: See. Wrong number. Didn’t even leave a message.

Paul and Jen fall back asleep, only to be woken up again in 30 seconds by the phone.

Jen: (Listening to the message) Didn’t you have a radio interview this morning?

Paul (Sitting up, quickly…) DAMN!

Needless to say, I ended up doing it and getting on for about 7 minutes, but the PR lately has died down so my mind is not in “the zone” lately.

I’m going to some party in Hollywood tonight where there will be free food and drinks. Wish me luck on that.

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