top of page
  • Paul Davidson

Celebrities Apologize Just Like Normal People Do!

As a writer, I catalog things.

Sometimes I catalogue them and other times I catalog them, but all the times I am writing down and listening and writing down in a catalogue/catalog form. Man, if only the UK/US spelling inconsistencies would get resolved, there would be so much more happiness and colour/color in my face.

Nonetheless, I am now ready to present to you a list of Celebrity Apologies. These are the things celebrities say as they gear up to apologize (something they do a lot in their lives) and these are the first lines that open the door for such groveling. I think you’ll find it as interesting and telling as I do.

Edward Norton: “Although I find this completely fucking unfair, I have something to tell you…”

Paris Hilton: “My daddy said I should give you a call…”

Robin Williams: “Woah, when I got up, heeee-yah, like off the ground like a karate-expert just slammed, ka-pow!, what was I saying, saying something, hold on here…”

Nick Nolte: “Where am I? Who are you? What time is it?”

Mary Kate/Ashley Olsen: “She has something to tell you. No, SHE has something to tell you. No. Our parents have something to tell you…”

Roseanne Barr: “Fuck that. I’m leaving.”

John Travolta: “L. Ron was always so open to the mistakes of human beings and I too, embrace such feelings when it comes to human existence…”

Matthew Broderick: “Sarah Jessica told me I had to call you…”

Henry Winkler: “I’m s-s-s-s-… I’m s-s-s-s-…”

Ashley Judd: Although I don’t really believe I’ve done anything wrong…”

Lindsay Lohan: “I am sooooo drunk. What was I going to say?”

Woody Harrelson: “You know, if it wasn’t for the government keeping the production of hemp illegal, I would never be having this conversation with you…”

Carrottop: “Hold on, hold on. I’ve got to finish my call using 1-800-CALL-ATT before I can tell you why I’m calling…”

Oprah Winfrey: “Today’s special guest from the Center for National Apologies…”

Catherine Zeta-Jones: (Crying) “It’s all your fault… You and the national media!!”

Halle Berry: “So you know, I hit my head…and have no recollection of needing to apologize for anything…”

Yes. I’m sorry, too.

2 views0 comments

Recent Posts

See All

An Open Letter To Everyone At My Thanksgiving Dinner

Dear All of You, First of all, I’d like to say that I’m extremely thankful that I’ll be spending Thanksgiving with you today. Having you share today’s festivities with me is a wonderful thing and I h


bottom of page