All About The Vibrato

I bought a disposable shaver yesterday that vibrates.

The Gillette M3 Power shaver is the most advanced shaver ever! It looks like a normal disposable shaver, it feels like a normal disposable shaver, and it shaves like a normal disposable shaver! But all the while you’re using this disposable shaver in the ways you used your previously purchased disposable shavers…

…it vibrates.

The idea of adding a special AAA battery into the shaft of the vibrating shaver has been a long time coming. But does that surprise me? Did it not take decades for a self-adhesive stamp? Did it not take years for personal-home Karaoke machines? Did we not have to wait for what seemed like an eternity for Shampoo plus Conditioner?

But here, these guys at Gillette have really done something special. By adding a battery into the handle of the Gillette M3 Power Shaver, which in turn causes your hand to shake somewhat violently as you bring the blades up to your nose, mouth and neck areas — they’ve transformed what is normally a boring, rote morning chore into an exciting, fly-by-the-seat of your pants experience!

Will I cut my neck this morning, resulting in blood everywhere!?

Will my hand accidentally jerk towards my eye region, slicing my cornea with reckless abandon?

Will I cut off my nose to spite my face?

Sure, there have been vibrating shavers before. But those were the old-school electric razors, where there were no blades out there in the open. Those had protective titanium casings that housed the rotating clippers and never ever had free reign over your pink, soft skin.

What exactly vibrating sharp blades on my skin does for the shaving experience, I have yet to determine, but I will tell you this — I haven’t had as much fun and terror as this since I saw The Cube, and that my friends is saying something!

Three cheers for Gillette! Three cheers for their vibrating sharpened guillotine! Three cheers for the most exciting shaving experience ever!

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In other news, tomorrow is yet (again) another edition of “Words For Your Enjoyment”! That’s where you provide the idea, I write it and you are Knighted by the Queen of England! (Disclaimer: Paul does not know the Queen of England and it is up to the provider of such column-ideas to contact said Queen of England in letter form, asking to be knighted.)