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  • Paul Davidson

Words For <i>Your</i> Enjoyment: Middle Initials

Did you ever wonder what it would feel like if you could stuff yourself into a washer or a dryer and have someone turn the darn things on and let you experience just what it is that you put your clothing through?

Me too. But that’s not what today’s “Words For Your Enjoyment” is all about.

This week, Amy asks, “What is your take on people who use their middle initial on a regular basis?”

Wow. Let me just sit back for a moment and take that all in.

My take. On people. Who use. Their middle initial. On a regular basis.

Umm, how about they’re snobs? How about they were born with a silver spoon in their mouths? How about they have this inflated sense of importance? How about they’re just looking for attention? How about we expand that to people who take their first name, turn THAT into an initial and use their middle initial and ask people to call them ridiculous names like CJ, KP, RF, MJ, and PD?

How about we talk about the people who have short names like Pam Smith or Jim Mills or David Sohn (all made up so if that’s your name don’t come looking for me) who add initials to their names so they look better on the tops of stationary? How about we talk about the people who hate their middle names (Spencer Janey Smith) so they take their middle name, turn it into an initial and switch everything around so it becomes J. Spencer Smith?

How about we talk about the fact that all this switching and shortening and moving around takes more time than it does to support a child in a third world country?

Really, middle-name switcher-uppers…don’t you have anything better to do with your lives than continually switch around your name? My grandmother always said, “Never trust a person who carries a gun, chews gum with their mouth open or uses their middle initial so often that they never let you forget it.”

Grandma. You were never so right then you are today. (Even though she’s dead.)

And don’t even get me started on people who don’t have a middle name to begin with. That is your parents fault. They should be held accountable. But don’t think that you can just make up a fake middle name because your parents never gave you one. That’s like asking for a leg if you were born without one and honestly, let’s think about that for a second and realize just how crazy that sounds!

In review:

My take. On people. Who use. Their middle initial. On a regular basis. Can be seen above.

Good? Good.

In other news, my old allergies seem to continue to be running for the hills. Good riddance, fools! (Fools = allergies)

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