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  • Paul Davidson

Words For <i>Your</i> Enjoyment: Jenna Bush

The word “Friday” has many meanings but more importantly it has six letters in it — which is strange because if you consider the start of the week to be Sunday, then Friday is the sixth day of the week.

So, what do we have so far? Sixth day, six letters in that day’s name, and “Words For Your Enjoyment” has six syllables. My point? WFYE was always meant to occur on Friday for these very coincidental reasons. (Insert weird eerie music here as you cower back in fear at the strange The Ring-esque feeling you’re having right now.

But I digress.

This week, Dylan wondered if I had any stories to tell about the Bush Twins or the Kerry Twins and made sure to let me know that he was partial to Alexandria Kerry herself. Unfortunately, Dylan — I cannot say that I know any of those girls well. But I did have a run in with Jenna Bush about a year and a half ago and it was surreal to say the least.

I happened to be in Dallas with some friends for a bachelor party for one of my good friends and we found ourselves at a local watering hole (name withheld). I was in charge of the tequila shots and so I went up to the bar to order another round. While I was waiting there, I noticed a girl half-passed out on the bar stool. I didn’t know it then, but it was Jenna Bush.

Jenna Bush: Trees are pretty.

Me: Yes. Yes, they sure are.

Jenna Bush: My daddy owns lots and lots of trees. He can do whatever he wants with those trees. He could even come to your house and chop down all your trees and use them for firewood to keep us all warm on cold winter nights and you’d never be able to do anything about it.

Me: That’s wonderful.

Then, the bartender took my order and I waited for him to pour the shots. Little blabbermouth on my left was still babbling away.

Jenna Bush: How many tequila shots are you getting?

Me: Twelve.

Jenna Bush: That’s nothing.

Me: Yeah, well that’s how many I need.

Jenna Bush: I usually need fifteen to get me all warm inside but then sometimes I get too warm and need to take off my jacket but then as soon as I do I’m cold again and the choice I have to make is do I drink a few more shots or do I put my jacket back on… You know?

Me: Yeah, totally.

Jenna Bush: So, what brings to you Texas?

Me: Bachelor party, actually.

Jenna Bush: Ooooooooooooooh.

Me: What, Ooooooh?

Jenna Bush: Just, ooooooh.

Me: What does that mean, exactly?

Jenna Bush: I’ll tell you but I have to whisper it into your ear.

So I lean in. She leans in. And then, she burps. Loudly. I pull back, annoyed as she starts laughing hysterically.

Jenna Bush: You are so stupid! No one ever falls for the secret burp thingie!

Me: Uh huh.

Jenna Bush: Well, my cousin Billy did when he was a kid but he’s just plain stupid anyway.

My shots have arrived. I gather them up on the tray and start to turn to leave.

Jenna Bush: Where you going!?

Me: Gotta get back to the bachelor party.

Jenna Bush: Bachelor party? You’re here for a bachelor party?

Me: Yes.

Jenna Bush: Oooooooooooh.

I exit. Never to cross paths with the wonder that is Jenna Bush.

And that’s a good thing.

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