Words For <i>Your</i> Enjoyment: Bee Sting Allergies
First of all – a little holiday housekeeping.
All of us here at WFME [i.e., me] want to wish all of you who take the time out of your day to read what I have to say a wonderful holiday and Happy New Year. That’s a twelve-gun yarmulke salute to the Chanukah-ites out there (who have, already opened all their presents), a twelve-days of Christmas, Christmas to those getting ready to do so tomorrow, and a Happy Kwanza to the rest of you. If I’ve missed any other celebrated holidays, please feel free to speak up.
As for this week’s Christmas Eve Edition of “Words For Your Enjoyment”, good WFME friend Will writes: “Alright, here’s your ultimate challenge. I’d like you to write some humor on people with bee sting allergies.”
Touche, Will. Toooooooo-shay!
Well, according to some very reputable medical doctors and facilities: “Bee sting allergies occur in people who have an abnormally high sensitivity to bee stings, which cause a physical reaction. Allergic reactions to bee stings can be life threatening.”
“… bees, wasps, and yellow jackets are annoying, frightening to some, and actually dangerous to a few of us.”
The reality is this — any malady that causes someone’s body parts (including their heads) to swell up beyond all recognition is somewhat funny. But what’s even funnier is the fact that people who are NOT allergic to bee stings or have never been stung by a bee will often launch into the funniest bee-dance when there are any of the creatures buzzing around them.
I am guilty, of course. I have, in fact, convinced myself and others that I am extremely allergic to bee stings (although I’ve never officially been stung by a bee) because I am afraid of what might happen if I were to possibly, maybe, perhaps gotten stung by one of those crazy needlers. In reality, I lie about such “horrible allergic reactions” to cover for my extremely silly-looking freak-out dance that I do when bees come anywhere close to me.
I swivel my head in horror, I jerk my limbs to and fro, I run away as fast as I can.
It ain’t funny.
But I will lie about the time my head blew up to 10 times its size, or the time I had to spend the night at the ER because my left arm swelled up to the size of an elephant’s trunk or about the time I got stung, passed out, and woke up 12 hours later.
At least they’ll mask the fact that I’m a coward.
And I’m fine with that.